The Director Welcomes You

The Solemnly Girthy Agent

#c4c318

Location

Foul, Humid Guinea-Bissau

Time of Day

6:8

Extraction Point

105 Miles NNW

Time to Complete

1 Hours

Sleuths,
I have sent you to the bottom of a Pitch Black Suburbs to look for a suspect by the name "Quiet Golem". This mission is intelligence. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to find where their funding is coming from. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A vagrant asks for food at the Turtle Rock".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Feminine Calculator in your kit to help.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Brody Hopkins

Alias

"Quiet Golem"

Features

7' 7"

Blue eyes

Stretch Marks / Right arm

Organization

The Council of Clumsy Hen

Emotions

Elated

Personality

Solemnly Deep

Motive

Disrupt the military to save humanity

Bodyguard

Harold the "Weak Beast"

Physical Size

Petite

Story

Additional Locations

The Girthy Acropolis

Rundown Palace

Demise Citadel

Random Events

Delivery Guy Becomes wounded

Dozen Eggs Is throwing a BBQ

Woman is loose

Wedding Cake Bounces oddly

World

Stores

Hannah's Key Du jour

Willis's Certificate Logistics

Barber's Medallion Warehouse

Elliott's Sconce Cosmetics

Traps

Poison Needle

Extended Bane of Irritation

Objects

Key that is glowing

Medallion with a False bottom

Secret Certificate

Hidden Sword

Key of Irritation

Wand of Wonder

Target is forever immune to all non-magical disease

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Zion Willis "Five Thumbs" Merchant Chalk Water
Sofia Barber "Bullet Hearts" Mole Painting Squirrels
Eleanor Avila Barber Drinking Cartography
Hannah Wise Human Statue Cookies Sharks
Kai Elliott Frazzled Potatoes Music

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).