The Director Welcomes You

The Penis Ruin Protocol

#5ff941

Location

Dull, Calm Chad

Time of Day

9:7

Extraction Point

98 Miles SW

Time to Complete

3 Hours

Snoopers,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Hanging Birdcage children's replica. Get to Chad at 05:16

Good Luck.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Kimberly Chavez

Alias

"Cramped Leprechaun"

Features

5' 5"

Green eyes

Faint curved scar / Left hand

Organization

The Board of Freezing Women

Emotions

Delighted

Personality

Unethically Verdant

Motive

Disrupt the military to better Humanity

Bodyguard

Jimmy the "Municipal Turtle"

Physical Size

Huge

Story

Additional Locations

The Deafening Lagoon

Overpopulated Carousal

Delirium Carousal

Random Events

Renaissance Faire Integrates silently into the group

Chanting Cult chase a suspect

Dracula Skips merrily

Butter Shipment Strikes the church bell

World

Stores

Liliana's Hanging Birdcage Bureau

Woods's Window Hole

Ferguson's Diary Bureau

Jennings's Lamp Logistics

Traps

Bear Trap

Built-to-Collapse Wall of Ruin

Objects

Hanging Birdcage children's replica

Diary with a False bottom

Secret Window

Hidden Magazine

Whip of Ruin

Wand of Wonder

Anyone nearby who’s carrying open flame is stricken bald

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Robert Woods "Wild Kidneys" Merchant Drinking Oranges
Harmony Ferguson "Silver Hot Dogs" Mole Dice Oranges
Allison Bowman Cheerful Tissues Soda
Liliana Davidson Midwife Deodorant Candles
Isabelle Jennings Musician Batteries Rubber Stamps

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).