The Director Welcomes You

The Log Cabin Optimism Incident

#4f46e8

Location

Dry, Arid Czech Republic

Time of Day

23:41

Extraction Point

121 Miles SW

Time to Complete

37 Hours

Detectives,
It seems "All Drunken Irish Guy" has gone level 9. They have been broadcasting this message "The group finds a sword in a stone at the hive". We need you to eliminate them, Anxiously. Their last known location was recorded at 17:18. You have a Vicious Bonsai Tree as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Kaleb Owens

Alias

"All Drunken Irish Guy"

Features

7' 7"

Blue eyes

Large deep scar / Left leg

Organization

The Association of Savory Bed

Emotions

Safe

Personality

Anxiously Irksome

Motive

Make a lot of money to achieve their destiny

Bodyguard

Roberto the "Faint Humanoid"

Physical Size

Fat

Story

Additional Locations

The Boiled Lodge

Desolate Sanctuary

Doom Villa

Random Events

Odor Salutes the adventurers

Toilet approaches

Vegetable Adopts a nearby child

Vagrant Attempts to rob a bank

World

Stores

Andrew's Quill and Ink Specialities

Le's Lipstick Technologies

Alexander's Bonsai Supermarket

Peters's File Consulting

Traps

Black Tentacles

Poison Dart of Optimism

Objects

Quill and Ink that has been hollowed out

Bonsai with a False bottom

Secret Lipstick

Hidden Whip

Blades of Optimism

Wand of Wonder

Caster’s mass increases by a factor of 10 while he’s on a boat

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Anastasia Le "Four Cappuccinos" Merchant Rocks Flowers
Aubrey Alexander "Golden Ankles" Mole Hammers Teeth
John Todd Police Officer Rabbits Rubber Stamps
Andrew Berry Optimistic Rubber Stamps Physics
Christopher Peters Stressed Batteries Dice

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).