The Director Welcomes You

Who is Simon Cheese?

#b45eb6

Location

Dark, Gloomy Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Time of Day

0:8

Extraction Point

2 Miles W

Time to Complete

48 Hours

Investigators,
We need your help. Agent Kayden Schwartz has gone missing and we believe "Obese Owl" is responsible. They were last seen in Saint Vincent and the Grenadines at 02:05. The agent sent one final message – "A lone flower growing at the Great Shadow". Take this Feminine Clamp - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Aubrey Deleon

Alias

"Obese Owl"

Features

6' 10"

Hazel eyes

Small mole / Crotch

Organization

The Association of Steep Moon

Emotions

Embarrassed

Personality

Unnaturally Narrow

Motive

Disrupt the military for revenge

Bodyguard

Simon the "Irrelevant Drunken Irish Guy"

Physical Size

Immense

Story

Additional Locations

The Large Barn Dance

Archaic Forest

Joy Pond

Random Events

Vegetable Is hurled at the adventurers

Dead Animal approaches

Deadbeat Calls menacingly

Dancer Is being kidnapped

World

Stores

Alexa's Tea Set Warehouse

Maldonado's Key Labs

Harrington's Certificate Warehouse

Schwartz's Candlesticks Hole

Traps

Flooding Room

Fire of Ice

Objects

Tea Set made of heavy metal

Certificate with a False bottom

Secret Key

Hidden Newspaper

Bangle of Ice

Wand of Wonder

Someone nearby owns the deed to the soul of someone else nearby

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Aiden Maldonado "Wild Tongues" Merchant Basketball Tissues
Nevaeh Harrington "Casual Falafels" Mole Baseball Scarves
Nolan Schneider Townsfolk Jazz Bracelets
Alexa Greene Accountant Rubber Stamps Painting
Kayden Schwartz The Body Children's Stories Paperclips

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).