The Director Welcomes You

The Lighthouse Endownment Incident

#be4655

Location

Breezy, Dry Kiribati

Time of Day

4:11

Extraction Point

108 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

2 Hours

Detectives,
I have sent you to climb a Underground Acropolis to look for a suspect by the name "Plump Beast". This mission is black bag. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to assassinate the target. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Three Fingers".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Mechanical Armchair in your kit to help.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Maria Castillo

Alias

"Plump Beast"

Features

7' 6"

Blue eyes

Large deep scar / Left thumb

Organization

The Alliance of Easy Insurance

Emotions

Powerless

Personality

Bitterly Brutish

Motive

Take over a country out of desperation

Bodyguard

Billy the "Affluent all-seeing eye"

Physical Size

Young

Story

Additional Locations

The Consensual Lake

Pitch Black Island

Darkness Villa

Random Events

Skeleton Strikes the church bell

Prostitute Calls menacingly

Pack of Wild Dogs Is hurled at the adventurers

Woman chase a suspect

World

Stores

London's Flowers Growing International

Bates's Skeletal Animal Cosmetics

Miles's Toolset Creative

Welch's Figurine Specialities

Traps

Falling Block

Beehive of Endownment

Objects

Flowers Growing made of heavy metal

Toolset children's replica

Secret Skeletal Animal

Hidden Glasses

Handcuffs of Endownment

Wand of Wonder

Target reacts violently to anyone who displays the color red

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Kaiden Bates "Drowsy Lox" Merchant Sailboats Shirts
Malachi Miles "Italian Churros" Mole Bears Bells
August Johnston Dentist Singing Rock n' Roll
London Morales The Body Basketball Teeth
Layla Welch Bounty hunter Singing Soap

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).