The Director Welcomes You

Emporium Royale

#1f88c5

Location

Dry, Balmy Tonga

Time of Day

19:15

Extraction Point

191 Miles NNW

Time to Complete

7 Hours

Snoopers,
We need your help. Agent Mary Moreno has gone missing and we believe "Cramped Alien" is responsible. They were last seen in Tonga at 19:01. The agent sent one final message – "A vagrant asks for food at the Unicorn Nest". Take this Robotic Tissues - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Lilly Figueroa

Alias

"Cramped Alien"

Features

4' 6"

Green eyes

Faint curved scar / Right foot

Organization

The Bureau of Fulsome Science

Emotions

Panicked

Personality

Openly Incendiary

Motive

Make a lot of money justice for a wrong-doing

Bodyguard

Jackie the "Gigantic Mermaid"

Physical Size

Mini

Story

Additional Locations

The Derogatory Port

Desolate Port

Fragility Tower

Random Events

Dozen Eggs strikes the ground

Transport Is throwing a BBQ

Vegetable Balances on a ledge

Nearby Gas Tank explodes

World

Stores

Ayden's Pocket watch Emporium

Williams's Large book Emporium

Weber's Lounge Chair Market

Moreno's Statue Ventures

Traps

Ceiling Pendulum

Falling Block of Exuberance

Objects

Pocket watch that is glowing

Lounge Chair children's replica

Secret Large book

Hidden Lighter

Rock of Exuberance

Wand of Wonder

Next door opened by caster leads to a distant ship on the ocean

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Cora Williams "Slow Legs" Merchant Broccoli Sharp Things
Faith Weber "King Lemons" Mole Rabbits Candles
Jasmine Harris Professional Cuddler Washing Machines Oranges
Ayden Woods Ghost Cartography Painting
Mary Moreno Envious Snowglobes Cats

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).