The Director Welcomes You

Cosmetics Royale

#49485c

Location

Miserable, Windy Belgium

Time of Day

13:29

Extraction Point

50 Miles N

Time to Complete

37 Hours

Agents,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Bench made of heavy metal. Get to Belgium at 17:08

Good Luck.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Christian Guzman

Alias

"Heavy starfish"

Features

6' 4"

Red eyes

Large deep scar / Left middle finger

Organization

The Firm of Spoiled Daughter

Emotions

Melancholy

Personality

Lightly Rough

Motive

Make a lot of money out of greed

Bodyguard

Johnny the "Dirty Goblins"

Physical Size

Considerable

Story

Additional Locations

The Victorious Business

Underwater Masquerade

Expiration House

Random Events

Crazy Man emerges

Sewer Is frozen into a block of ice

Swarm of Bees Attempts to rob a bank

Sewer meets disaster

World

Stores

Ian's Bench Cosmetics

Schwartz's Picture Frame Warehouse

Peters's Pan Collective

Sims's Hose Arcade

Traps

Reverse Gravity

Flooded Corridor of Skill

Objects

Bench made of heavy metal

Pan made of heavy metal

Secret Picture Frame

Hidden Trident

Morning Star of Skill

Wand of Wonder

Target is certain that all of his allies have betrayed him

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Elliot Schwartz "Three Legs" Merchant Harmonica Rubber Bands
Brooklyn Peters "Chunky Muscles" Mole Robots Broccoli
Tricia Guerrero Surgeon Rock n' Roll Whipped Cream
Ian Bowen Intoxicated Tigers Butterflies
Aubrey Sims Secretary Coffee Butterflies

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).