The Director Welcomes You

The Computer Fire Protocol

#6fe5d0

Location

Windy, Warm Tuvalu

Time of Day

17:14

Extraction Point

72 Miles SW

Time to Complete

45 Hours

Examiners,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Candelabra made of heavy metal. Get to Tuvalu at 13:16

Good Luck.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Graham Leon

Alias

"Plump Meerkat"

Features

7' 2"

Red eyes

Small mole / Left foot

Organization

The Community of Quaint Lubricant

Emotions

Envious

Personality

Powerfully Most

Motive

Make a lot of money to control the Children

Bodyguard

Jimmy the "Contemporary Wraith"

Physical Size

Modest

Story

Additional Locations

The Girthy Chateau

Compact Tower

Virtue Crypt

Random Events

Transport Is accused by the law

VAT of Broth catches on fire

Box of Mice Attempts to rob a bank

Store Strikes the church bell

World

Stores

Rylee's Candelabra Brothers

Vasquez's Doorway Emporium

Gray's Bible Solutions

Harmon's Canopy Bed Little shop

Traps

Suspicious door with lock

Poison Needle of Fire

Objects

Candelabra made of heavy metal

Bible that has been hollowed out

Secret Doorway

Hidden Spear

Bracer of Fire

Wand of Wonder

One of target’s hands is shaped like an orangutan’s hand

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Brayden Vasquez "Green Pretzels" Merchant Lipstick Teeth
Connor Gray "Gross Matzo Balls" Mole Octopus Washing Machines
Adalyn Jackson Vision Horses Paper
Rylee Reyes Bounty hunter Mirrors Soccer
Stella Harmon Counselor Plushies Fire

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).