The Director Welcomes You

The Zealous Hose Heist

#c68f4b

Location

Windless, Foul Eswatini

Time of Day

4:59

Extraction Point

16 Miles NE

Time to Complete

9 Hours

Agents,
It seems "Little Whale" has gone level 4. They have been broadcasting this message "A roll of thunder at the Where grass will not grow". We need you to eliminate them, Stealthily. Their last known location was recorded at 12:04. You have a Clandestine Umbrella as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Lucy Harvey

Alias

"Little Whale"

Features

5' 10"

Red eyes

Large moles / Right arm

Organization

The Council of Adorable Stomach

Emotions

Brave

Personality

Stealthily Limpid

Motive

Disrupt the military to achieve their destiny

Bodyguard

Nick the "Famous Drunken Irish Guy"

Physical Size

Minute

Story

Additional Locations

The Zealous Pond

Underground Forge

Fatality Shelter

Random Events

Panhandler drops from the sky

Cauldron Adopts a nearby child

Prostitute is being loudly arrested

Odor scurries by

World

Stores

Guy's Mural Bureau

Sparks's Hose Supermarket

Bowman's Footlocker Factory

Snyder's Toolbox Outlet

Traps

Poisoned Arrow

Fire of Amnesia

Objects

Mural that is glowing

Footlocker that has been hollowed out

Secret Hose

Hidden Necklace

Pen of Amnesia

Wand of Wonder

If caster is usually shy, he becomes very assertive, & vice versa

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Daniela Sparks "Mini Livers" Merchant Fire Peanut Butter
Alexis Bowman "Red Feet" Mole Snowglobes Potatoes
Savannah McDonald Bounty hunter Batteries Acorns
Guy Page Police Officer Honey Trucks
Elizabeth Snyder Hairdresser Toilets Syrup

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).