The Director Welcomes You

Couture Royale

#eb7ec1

Location

Dry, Icy Fiji

Time of Day

23:59

Extraction Point

167 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

43 Hours

Agents,
It seems "Silver Drunken Irish Guy" has gone level 10. They have been broadcasting this message "A pool of blood at the Serpents Nest". We need you to eliminate them, Highly. Their last known location was recorded at 07:11. You have a Light Pencil as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alice Ramirez

Alias

"Silver Drunken Irish Guy"

Features

7' 5"

Red eyes

Faint curved scar / Left hand

Organization

The Crew of Better Security

Emotions

Exasperated

Personality

Highly Panicky

Motive

Take over a country to please their master

Bodyguard

Charles the "Rare Werewolf"

Physical Size

Poor

Story

Additional Locations

The Portly Barn Dance

Desolate Carnival

The Blackest Black Pond

Random Events

Softball skins a cat with his teeth

Gallon of Trash meets disaster

Baker Salutes the adventurers

Corncob Gets their hand chopped off

World

Stores

Kinsley's Kitchen knife Couture

Gomez's Rubber Plant Discount

Farmer's Bicycle Little shop

Valdez's Candelabra Cosmetics

Traps

Flame Strike

Collapsing Column of Delirium

Objects

Kitchen knife that has been hollowed out

Bicycle with a False bottom

Secret Rubber Plant

Hidden Rapier

Throwing Dart of Delirium

Wand of Wonder

The scent of rotten eggs permeates everything within 50 yards

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
George Gomez "Stiff Lox" Merchant Bears Dinosaurs
Jesse Farmer "Obese Ribs" Mole Boxes Rubber Stamps
Joseph Martinez Headhunter Socks Technology
Kinsley Watson Indifferent Cousins Slippers
Isaac Valdez Secretary Basketball Glass

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).