The Director Welcomes You

The Sadly Fast Agent

#e68763

Location

Dry, Miserable Tuvalu

Time of Day

12:22

Extraction Point

174 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

14 Hours

Undercover Emissaries,
It seems "Right Aardvark" has gone level 8. They have been broadcasting this message "A vagrant asks for money at the Garden of Bears". We need you to eliminate them, Sadly. Their last known location was recorded at 16:09. You have a Evil Armchair as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Mackenzie Clark

Alias

"Right Aardvark"

Features

4' 11"

Amber eyes

Large moles / Left foot

Organization

The Firm of Hungry Yogapants

Emotions

Powerless

Personality

Sadly Helpful

Motive

Make a lot of money for pure destruction

Bodyguard

Chuckie the "Frilled Demon"

Physical Size

Minuscule

Story

Additional Locations

The Fast Maze

Pitch Black Business

Extinction Reef

Random Events

Midwife Is being tortured

Bard Ignites violently

Spice Box skins a cat with his teeth

Alligator Is being detained

World

Stores

Nolan's Lamp Collective

Hart's Trinket Consulting

Williamson's Landscape Chic Chåteau

Wells's Shirt Specialities

Traps

Bricks from Ceiling

Rune of Paralyzation of Vulnerability

Objects

Lamp that has been hollowed out

Landscape that has been hollowed out

Secret Trinket

Hidden Blindfold

Medallion of Vulnerability

Wand of Wonder

Caster’s teeth become serrated and triangular like a shark’s

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Arianna Hart "Nice Ribs" Merchant Christmas Technology
Ella Williamson "Chunky Parmigianas" Mole Fire Notes
Eva Cox Cleaner Dinosaurs Notes
Nolan Myers Paramedic Octopus Contracts
Dylan Wells Veteran Essential Oils Potatoes

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).