The Director Welcomes You

The Greenhouse Endownment Protocol

#178bb8

Location

Warm, Warm Comoros

Time of Day

6:23

Extraction Point

193 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Ambassadors,
It seems "Tough Elves" has gone level 3. They have been broadcasting this message "A shrine is nearby at the hive". We need you to eliminate them, Energetically. Their last known location was recorded at 24:15. You have a Soft Bicycle as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Max Gomez

Alias

"Tough Elves"

Features

6' 9"

Red eyes

Stretch Marks / Right foot

Organization

The Commission of Glamorous Fish

Emotions

Frustrated

Personality

Energetically Didactic

Motive

Take over a government to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Nick the "Juicy Goblins"

Physical Size

Gigantic

Story

Additional Locations

The Easy Business

Pitch Black Forest

Disaster Crypt

Random Events

Deadbeat Lunges at the group

Bank explodes

Whore Is being kidnapped

Cookie Is throwing a protest

World

Stores

Bentley's Music Box Supermarket

Sandoval's Statue Technologies

Fleming's Vanity Technologies

Walsh's Butter Churner Logistics

Traps

Bestow Curse

Bestow Curse of Endownment

Objects

Music Box with a False bottom

Vanity children's replica

Secret Statue

Hidden Spikes

Blowgun of Endownment

Wand of Wonder

All vegetation within 50 yards becomes incredibly lush

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Avery Sandoval "Casual Legs" Merchant Lipstick Christmas
Emerson Fleming "Golden Arms" Mole Paperclips Houses
Luke Reyes Phantom Acorns Glass
Bentley Bowen Librarian Boxes Rocks
Benjamin Walsh Architect Gym Memberships Deodorant

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).