The Director Welcomes You

The Squirrelly Eggnog Incident

#5ffc43

Location

Sunny, Chilly Grenada

Time of Day

7:45

Extraction Point

95 Miles NNW

Time to Complete

20 Hours

Scrutinizers,
It seems "Italian kobold" has gone level 1. They have been broadcasting this message "Clouds develop quickly at the Snowy garrison". We need you to eliminate them, Wearily. Their last known location was recorded at 18:13. You have a Vicious Lipstick as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Arabella Delgado

Alias

"Italian kobold"

Features

6' 3"

Blue eyes

A second belly button / Left eye

Organization

The Agency of Dry Leash

Emotions

Attraction

Personality

Wearily Drab

Motive

Take over a government to save humanity

Bodyguard

Donald the "Thoughtless Ghost"

Physical Size

Full-grown

Story

Additional Locations

The Squirrelly Acropolis

Archaic Pond

Destruction Festival

Random Events

Leopard approaches

Wanderer runs over an infant

Soup Lunges at the group

Demon Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

World

Stores

Nevaeh's Stairwell Unlimited

Bates's Tea Pot Warehouse

Fields's Letter Opener Creative

Swanson's Lamp Department store

Traps

Moving Executioner Statue

Flooded Corridor of The Blackest Black

Objects

Stairwell made of heavy metal

Letter Opener made of heavy metal

Secret Tea Pot

Hidden Helmet

Fork of The Blackest Black

Wand of Wonder

Caster must carry his spellbook in hand, not in a bag or pouch

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Caroline Bates "Junior Arms" Merchant Honey Children's Stories
Damian Fields "Silver Churros" Mole Cartography Glitter
Mya Walters Envious Scarves Physics
Nevaeh Higgins Sad Rocks Jazz
Trinity Swanson Envious Sharp Things Toilets

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).