The Director Welcomes You

Understanding, Basketball, Plumwine, Spy.

#6f1de0

Location

Warm, Icy Saudi Arabia

Time of Day

23:26

Extraction Point

153 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Informants,
As you can see you are trapped inside within earshot of a Crowded Jungle . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Meaty Pig" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Flooded Crystal". Your mission was intelligence, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Polished Bikini hidden on you.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Mya Haynes

Alias

"Meaty Pig"

Features

7' 6"

Hazel eyes

Large moles / Left leg

Organization

The Fraternity of Breezy Plumwine

Emotions

Humiliated

Personality

Courageously Ubiquitous

Motive

Make a lot of money to achieve their destiny

Bodyguard

Crystal the "Mastadonic Basilisk"

Physical Size

Shrimpy

Story

Additional Locations

The Masochistic Crypt

Overpopulated Arcade

Contentment Tower

Random Events

Musical catches on fire

Thief Becomes wounded

Buccaneer screams at the top of their lungs

Gunshot Becomes wounded

World

Stores

Mila's Platter Department store

Todd's Musical instrument Solutions

Bennett's Certificate Mall

Hunter's Chair Arcade

Traps

Blade Barrier

Collapsing Column of Delirium

Objects

Platter that has been hollowed out

Certificate that is glowing

Secret Musical instrument

Hidden Falchion

Spikes of Delirium

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t be burned by acid if he cuts off both of his thumbs

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Eliza Todd "Tough Livers" Merchant Tigers Pillows
Emily Bennett "Small Ankles" Mole Essential Oils Sticks
Abraham Scott Waiter Cookies Oranges
Mila Scott Banker Squirrels Snowglobes
Ian Hunter Banker Tigers Whipped Cream

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).