The Director Welcomes You

The Rocket Perspiration Protocol

#f4e4aa

Location

Windless, Cloudless Kosovo

Time of Day

15:26

Extraction Point

83 Miles SE

Time to Complete

19 Hours

Examiners,
We need your help. Agent Natalia McKinney has gone missing and we believe "Golden Rabbit" is responsible. They were last seen in Kosovo at 24:23. The agent sent one final message – "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Dead Forest". Take this Angry Paint - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Tablet of Stone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Abel McDonald

Alias

"Golden Rabbit"

Features

6' 2"

Red eyes

Large deep scar / Right hand

Organization

The Department of Verdant Corset

Emotions

Bitter

Personality

Justly Boiling

Motive

Take over a government to become rich

Bodyguard

Ralphie the "Wet Gnome"

Physical Size

Considerable

Story

Additional Locations

The Aggressive Lodge

Bustling Manor

Oblivion City

Random Events

Dead Animal gathers near a point of interest

Squirrel chase a suspect

Crow Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Majestic Painting Gets their hand chopped off

World

Stores

Christopher's Telescope Supermarket

Mann's Bicycle Supermarket

Castillo's Flowers Growing Supermarket

McKinney's Sofa Wardrobe

Traps

Flame Strike

Bricks from Ceiling of Perspiration

Objects

Telescope made of heavy metal

Flowers Growing made of heavy metal

Secret Bicycle

Hidden Nipple Clamp

Greaves of Perspiration

Wand of Wonder

Target’s skin reflects torchlight perfectly, but not sunlight

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Luca Mann "Drowsy Hot Dogs" Merchant Basketball Cousins
Bentley Castillo "Right Matzo Balls" Mole Photography Rubber Stamps
Kaleb Manning Restless Lions Glitter
Christopher Cortez Geologist Broccoli Technology
Natalia McKinney Hotel Manager Peanut Butter Pillows

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).