The Director Welcomes You

Specialities Royale

#bd6afc

Location

Cloudless, Miserable Guatemala

Time of Day

24:44

Extraction Point

128 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

39 Hours

Scrutinizers,
I have sent you to approach a Abandoned Peninsula to look for a suspect by the name "Three Bull". This mission is clandestine. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to discover their location. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The group finds a random cow at the ruined castle".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Clean Apron in your kit to help.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alexander Stephens

Alias

"Three Bull"

Features

4' 11"

Brown eyes

Small mole / Right foot

Organization

The Brotherhood of Irksome Cactus

Emotions

Dismayed

Personality

Irritably Affluent

Motive

Take over a country in pursuit of knowledge

Bodyguard

Daniel the "Tragic Pegasus"

Physical Size

Colossal

Story

Additional Locations

The Gray Spring

Bustling Masquerade

Violence Barn Dance

Random Events

Spectator is heard screaming

Crazy Man overflows

Cauldron Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Gallon of Trash grabs a lady's purse

World

Stores

Bailey's Tea Pot Specialities

Ramsey's Flowers Growing Technologies

Gutierrez's Clamp Wardrobe

Lloyd's Barrel Du jour

Traps

Poisoned Arrow

Dropping Ceiling of Ice

Objects

Tea Pot made of heavy metal

Clamp children's replica

Secret Flowers Growing

Hidden Blades

Staff of Ice

Wand of Wonder

People journey for miles to voice grievances against the caster

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Graham Ramsey "Small Heels" Merchant Money Drinking
Arabella Gutierrez "Indigo Scars" Mole Flowers Teeth
Liam Meyer Secretary Limes Cats
Bailey Wise Butcher Easter Jigsaw Puzzles
Athena Lloyd Meteorologist Physics Peanut Butter

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).