The Director Welcomes You

The Bees Irritation Protocol

#90c7ff

Location

Dark, Overcast Colombia

Time of Day

2:47

Extraction Point

90 Miles N

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Ambassadors,
As you can see you are trapped inside the outside of a Deserted Mansion . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Nice Armadillo" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Clouds develop quickly at the Where grass will not grow". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Robotic Hammer hidden on you.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Joshua Dominguez

Alias

"Nice Armadillo"

Features

6' 4"

Hazel eyes

Large deep scar / Left leg

Organization

The Crew of Braised Thanks

Emotions

Lonely

Personality

Quarrelsomely Pugilistic

Motive

Disrupt the military to be left alone

Bodyguard

John the "Glamorous Abominable Snowman"

Physical Size

Insignificant

Story

Additional Locations

The Scary Creek

Overpopulated Isle

Censorship Mansion

Random Events

Bellhop Is being kidnapped

Gang Is accused by the law

Wedding Cake Strikes the church bell

Vagabond is loose

World

Stores

Piper's Sconce Worldwide

Patton's Iron stove Beauty Stop

Solis's Tapestry Convenience store

Hubbard's Spice shelf Solutions

Traps

Camouflaged Pit

Bear Trap of Irritation

Objects

Sconce that has been hollowed out

Tapestry with a False bottom

Secret Iron stove

Hidden Longsword

Shield of Irritation

Wand of Wonder

Caster attracts zealous sycophants wherever he goes

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Michael Patton "Chunky Kidneys" Merchant Teeth Books
Kennedy Solis "Black Waffles" Mole Baseball Peanut Butter
Aubree Mclaughlin Technician Lamps Dolphins
Piper Lawson Funeral Director Writers Lions
Marcus Hubbard Talent agent Washing Machines Harmonica

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).