The Director Welcomes You

The Petulant Spa Inquisition

#fa577f

Location

Cloudless, Balmy Libya

Time of Day

19:0

Extraction Point

152 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

30 Hours

Scrutinizers,
As you can see you are trapped inside enter a Bustling Barn Dance . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Right Eel" is responsible and they sent us this message - "A pool of blood at the Big Momma". Your mission was counterintelligence, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Polished Bikini hidden on you.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Mary Wagner

Alias

"Right Eel"

Features

5' 4"

Heterochromia eyes

Small mole / Right foot

Organization

The Crew of Derogatory Monument

Emotions

Liking

Personality

Usefully Whining

Motive

Take over a country to better Humanity

Bodyguard

Daniel the "Childish Orcs"

Physical Size

Narrow

Story

Additional Locations

The Petulant Masquerade

Ancient Lagoon

Delirium Creek

Random Events

Reindeer emerges

Biscuit scurries by

Pine Branch scurries by

Robber Catches leprosy

World

Stores

Dawson's Fruit Bowl Factory

Pratt's Figurine Atelier

Lowe's Coat Productions

Wolf's Crock Labs

Traps

Dropping Ceiling

Wall Blade of Rage

Objects

Fruit Bowl made of heavy metal

Coat made of heavy metal

Secret Figurine

Hidden Coin

Sickle of Rage

Wand of Wonder

4d100 zombies appear in the area and race to the nearest town

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Isla Pratt "Junior Lox" Merchant Mirrors Paper
Josiah Lowe "Cramped Dumplings" Mole Tissues Baseball
Avery Richards Envious Trees Socks
Dawson Watkins Waiter Sailboats Physics
Isla Wolf Graphic Designer Broccoli Physics

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).