The Director Welcomes You

The Quilt Rage Incident

#fc15f7

Location

Miserable, Bright Ethiopia

Time of Day

8:32

Extraction Point

158 Miles N

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Examiners,
It seems "All Banshee" has gone level 1. They have been broadcasting this message "A shadow passes at the Underwater cave". We need you to eliminate them, Closely. Their last known location was recorded at 12:22. You have a Slippery Umbrella as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Josiah Hamilton

Alias

"All Banshee"

Features

7' 1"

Brown eyes

Stretch Marks / Left hand

Organization

The Association of Irrelevant Chain

Emotions

Hateful

Personality

Closely Clacking

Motive

Disrupt the military to better Humanity

Bodyguard

Daniel the "Juicy Imp"

Physical Size

Young

Story

Additional Locations

The Recessive Sanctuary

Desolate Peninsula

Fatality Shelter

Random Events

Lactose Intolerance Bursts loudly

Box of Mice Balances on a ledge

Bum runs over an infant

Gallon of Trash Finds gold in the water

World

Stores

Clara's Sculpture Emporium

Greene's Musical instrument Du jour

Conner's Paperweight Logistics

Singh's Portrait Technologies

Traps

Object Smeared with Poison

Javelin of Rage

Objects

Sculpture made of heavy metal

Paperweight that is glowing

Secret Musical instrument

Hidden Spoon

Bow of Rage

Wand of Wonder

Next potion imbibed by caster enlarges his hands by 50%

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Mackenzie Greene "Quiet Cappuccinos" Merchant Sun Glasses Slippers
Sara Conner "Orange Matzo Balls" Mole Dice Bracelets
Emerson Hansen Paramedic Toilets Books
Clara Carrillo Spirit Sharp Things Tissues
Margaret Singh Mechanic Quartz Crystals Attention

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).