The Director Welcomes You

Operation — Portly Psychiatrist

#cf26dc

Location

Warm, Mild Marshall Islands

Time of Day

12:45

Extraction Point

45 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Eyeballs,
As you can see you are trapped inside be locked inside of a Pitch Black Park . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Heavy Ogre" is responsible and they sent us this message - "A vagrant asks for food at the Music Store". Your mission was clandestine, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Light Toothbrush hidden on you.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Callie Simon

Alias

"Heavy Ogre"

Features

4' 6"

Heterochromia eyes

Small mole / Left arm

Organization

The Club of Substantial Thanks

Emotions

Cautious

Personality

Rarely Verdant

Motive

Disrupt the military to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Jerry the "Hissing Aardvark"

Physical Size

Petite

Story

Additional Locations

The Portly Masquerade

Rundown Lake

The Blackest Black Forge

Random Events

Amulet Glistens gently

Nomad emerges

Swarm of Bees Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Pickpocket gathers near a point of interest

World

Stores

Valerie's Grandfather Clock Consulting

Caldwell's Cabinet Warehouse

Jensen's Workbench Boutique

Leon's Butter Churner Bureau

Traps

Scything Blade

Camouflaged Pit of Dark

Objects

Grandfather Clock children's replica

Workbench made of heavy metal

Secret Cabinet

Hidden Nipple Clamp

Spear of Dark

Wand of Wonder

Anyone in armor within 10 yards sneezes repeatedly for 3d6 rounds

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Alexis Caldwell "All Ribs" Merchant Television Sticky Notes
Mya Jensen "Wild Pastrami's" Mole Water Flashlights
Adalynn Page Drunken Shirts Squirrels
Valerie Evans Human Statue Cats Cousins
Luke Leon Lawyer Technology Paperclips

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).