The Director Welcomes You

Who is Joseph Battery?

#f0daa0

Location

Miserable, Frigid Armenia

Time of Day

21:35

Extraction Point

159 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

42 Hours

Investigators,
It seems "Casual Drunken Irish Guy" has gone level 6. They have been broadcasting this message "A mysterious key is found on the ground at the Devil's barrow". We need you to eliminate them, Anxiously. Their last known location was recorded at 01:12. You have a Invisible Boot as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Arianna Hubbard

Alias

"Casual Drunken Irish Guy"

Features

5' 9"

Heterochromia eyes

Large moles / Left eye

Organization

The Fraternity of Intransigent Advertisement

Emotions

Elated

Personality

Anxiously Abundant

Motive

Make a lot of money to become rich

Bodyguard

Joseph the "Scrawny Manticore"

Physical Size

Big

Story

Additional Locations

The Creamy Maze

Abandoned Masquerade

Fury Forest

Random Events

Nearby Gas Tank skins a cat with his teeth

Meteor Gets their hand chopped off

Beggar Gets their hand chopped off

Crowd Spontaneously disintegrates

World

Stores

Alejandro's Mounted Animal Convenience store

Brady's Crate Consulting

West's Suit of armor Ventures

Hall's Marionette Mall

Traps

Tripping Chain

Burning Hands of Passion

Objects

Mounted Animal that has been hollowed out

Suit of armor made of heavy metal

Secret Crate

Hidden Sabre

Diary of Passion

Wand of Wonder

Suddenly 1d4 people appear and offer trinkets to the target

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Fiona Brady "Mini Fingers" Merchant Plushies Gym Memberships
Harmony West "Fat Cappuccinos" Mole Sun Glasses Stickers
Alan Powers Plumber Glitter Soccer
Alejandro Beck Dentist Syrup Attention
Autumn Hall Chief Executive Officer Glass Candles

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).