The Director Welcomes You

The Silly Kick Hunt

#9c8335

Location

Warm, Gorgeous Kazakhstan

Time of Day

3:43

Extraction Point

49 Miles S

Time to Complete

19 Hours

Examiners,
I have sent you to approach a Expensive Crypt to look for a suspect by the name "Gross Porpoises". This mission is intelligence. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to assassinate the target. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The group finds a sword in a stone at the Seven Dead".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Clandestine Candle in your kit to help.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Abigail Hartman

Alias

"Gross Porpoises"

Features

5' 9"

Gray eyes

A second belly button / Left foot

Organization

The League of Brief Investment

Emotions

Enthusiastic

Personality

Arrogantly Pre-Pubescent

Motive

Disrupt the military justice for a wrong-doing

Bodyguard

Hal the "Scrawny Bear"

Physical Size

Fat

Story

Additional Locations

The Silly City

Overpopulated Carnival

Animosity Acropolis

Random Events

Thief skins a cat with his teeth

Bear overflows

Jug of Peanut Butter Attempts to rob a bank

Midwife Is being detained

World

Stores

Lydia's Sofa Logistics

Hayes's Bonsai Ventures

Garner's Clamp Properties

Espinoza's Musical instrument Bureau

Traps

Poison Wall Spikes

Burning Hands of Contentment

Objects

Sofa that is glowing

Clamp children's replica

Secret Bonsai

Hidden Polearm

Stave of Contentment

Wand of Wonder

Target glows with a bright, rainbow aura while moving stealthily

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Michelle Hayes "Orange Toes" Merchant Sticks Glass
Valerie Garner "Mini Bagels" Mole Snowglobes Essential Oils
Angel Stewart Librarian Attention Chocolate
Lydia Jimenez Lawyer Bears Potatoes
Camden Espinoza Elder Washing Machines Christmas

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).