The Director Welcomes You

The Pizza Joy Protocol

#acf008

Location

Balmy, Overcast Armenia

Time of Day

21:56

Extraction Point

130 Miles SE

Time to Complete

34 Hours

Informants,
I have sent you to climb a Abandoned Citadel to look for a suspect by the name "Nice Platypuses". This mission is clandestine. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to retrieve their missile codes. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A roll of thunder at the Devil's barrow".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Light Binocular in your kit to help.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Maxwell Soto

Alias

"Nice Platypuses"

Features

5' 8"

Gray eyes

Large deep scar / Left leg

Organization

The Incorporated of Scruffy Burn

Emotions

Dismayed

Personality

Scarcely Spicy

Motive

Take over a government fueled by conspiracy

Bodyguard

Randy the "Pre-Pubescent mammoth"

Physical Size

Young

Story

Additional Locations

The Insolent Isle

Overpopulated Reef

Influence Shelter

Random Events

Bank Skips merrily

Transport Bursts loudly

Robber overflows

Chicken grabs a lady's purse

World

Stores

Payton's Footlocker Boutique

Sanchez's Doorway Consulting

Warner's Vanity Convenience store

Fletcher's Coat of Arms Cosmetics

Traps

Symbol of Hypnosis

Acid Arrow of Joy

Objects

Footlocker made of heavy metal

Vanity that is glowing

Secret Doorway

Hidden Club

Collar of Joy

Wand of Wonder

When target is next struck by magic, he teleports 1d6 miles

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Zion Sanchez "Stiff Muscles" Merchant Children's Stories Lipstick
Iris Warner "Little Lemons" Mole Doors Baseball
Ella Hodges Fortune Cookie Writer Lions Photography
Payton Ward Bruised Lamps Singing
Grant Fletcher Dietitian Plushies Cartography

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).