The Director Welcomes You

The Kissingly Cerulean Agent

#864195

Location

Cloudy, Humid France

Time of Day

12:15

Extraction Point

168 Miles SE

Time to Complete

3 Hours

Shadows,
As you can see you are trapped inside within earshot of a Bustling Port . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Right Python" is responsible and they sent us this message - "A traveling merchant appears at the graveyard". Your mission was anti-surveillance, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Invisible Hammer hidden on you.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Matteo Gray

Alias

"Right Python"

Features

4' 7"

Heterochromia eyes

Large moles / Right arm

Organization

The Company of Dowdy Finger

Emotions

Ambivalent

Personality

Kissingly Pugilistic

Motive

Take over a country out of desperation

Bodyguard

Jimmy the "Dank Platypuses"

Physical Size

Giant

Story

Additional Locations

The Cerulean Mansion

Desolate Castle

Stealth Suburbs

Random Events

Diary gathers near a point of interest

Spice Box Crashes slowly

Hound Is accused by the law

Dancer arrives in the mail

World

Stores

Sara's Grandfather Clock Worldwide

McGee's Coat of Arms Properties

Chapman's Mirror Bureau

Barber's Mirror Consulting

Traps

Insanity Mist Vapor

Earthquake of Extinction

Objects

Grandfather Clock children's replica

Mirror made of heavy metal

Secret Coat of Arms

Hidden Button

Necklace of Extinction

Wand of Wonder

Caster has a cumulative 1% chance daily to turn to stone

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Alan McGee "Italian Hearts" Merchant Squirrels Houses
Connor Chapman "Wild Muscles" Mole Soap Cats
Reese May Actor Water Octopus
Sara Moran Veteran Bears Potatoes
Nevaeh Barber Physician Hamsters Dolphins

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).