The Director Welcomes You

Hole Royale

#d7802b

Location

Dark, Dark Panama

Time of Day

22:3

Extraction Point

62 Miles NE

Time to Complete

16 Hours

Investigators,
We need your help. Agent Noah Vazquez has gone missing and we believe "Slow Leech" is responsible. They were last seen in Panama at 14:04. The agent sent one final message – "A pool of blood at the Where grass will not grow". Take this Heavy Nuts and Bolts - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Judy Hamilton

Alias

"Slow Leech"

Features

7' 7"

Hazel eyes

Large moles / Neck

Organization

The Bureau of Rhythmic Trick

Emotions

Sympathy

Personality

Yearningly Proud

Motive

Take over a government fueled by conspiracy

Bodyguard

Charles the "Sour Elves"

Physical Size

Bantam

Story

Additional Locations

The Ambitious Shelter

Compact House

Demise Lagoon

Random Events

Donkey Is hurled at the adventurers

Dancer Is hurled at the adventurers

Bottle of Soy Sauce Lunges at the group

Spectator Bursts loudly

World

Stores

Nevaeh's Bible Hole

Reeves's Fire poker set Mall

Rojas's Canopy Bed Discount

Vazquez's Mantle Creative

Traps

Flame Strike

Collapsing Column of Cleanliness

Objects

Bible made of heavy metal

Canopy Bed that is glowing

Secret Fire poker set

Hidden Bow

Guthook of Cleanliness

Wand of Wonder

Target’s weapon is 20% likely to droop like a noodle in battle

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ximena Reeves "Big Forearms" Merchant Slippers Scarves
Malachi Rojas "King Boy" Mole Chocolate Teeth
Grace Lopez Indifferent Quartz Crystals Soup
Nevaeh Warren Professional Bridesmaid Bracelets Socks
Noah Vazquez Librarian Chocolate Eggs

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).