The Director Welcomes You

The Wall The Blackest Black Incident

#4258b1

Location

Hot, Icy Congo, Republic of the

Time of Day

14:25

Extraction Point

162 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

8 Hours

Informants,
I have sent you to within earshot of a Pitch Black Missile Launch Site to look for a suspect by the name "Five Cockatrice". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to rescue our field agent. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Ancient Fountain".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Polished Toy in your kit to help.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alaina Richardson

Alias

"Five Cockatrice"

Features

5' 1"

Blue eyes

Small mole / Right eye

Organization

The Unit of Incalculable Music

Emotions

Infatuated

Personality

Furiously Bitter

Motive

Take over a country because of a betrayal

Bodyguard

John the "Invisible Minotaur"

Physical Size

Puny

Story

Additional Locations

The Strungout Masquerade

Polluted Manor

Secrecy Park

Random Events

Keg Ignites violently

Ninja Protests

Toilet Is hurled at the adventurers

Cauldron drops from the sky

World

Stores

Maddox's Trinket Solutions

Foster's Armoir Discount

Austin's Paperweight Convenience store

Howard's Candlesticks Specialities

Traps

Falling Block

Water-Filled Room of The Blackest Black

Objects

Trinket with a False bottom

Paperweight made of heavy metal

Secret Armoir

Hidden Banana

Blades of The Blackest Black

Wand of Wonder

Caster can double his spells’ range if he’s carrying no metal

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Beau Foster "Obese Bagels" Merchant Boxes Quartz Crystals
Jocelyn Austin "One Matzo Balls" Mole Chili Butterflies
Jack Peters Depressed Oranges Glass
Maddox Ryan Plumber Bears Sticks
Juan Howard Athlete Cats Bracelets

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).