The Director Welcomes You

Mint, Penis, Exam, Spy.

#1492ff

Location

Cool, Breezy Malawi

Time of Day

15:58

Extraction Point

96 Miles S

Time to Complete

47 Hours

Detectives,
We need your help. Agent Bailey Stevens has gone missing and we believe "Dull Armadillo" is responsible. They were last seen in Malawi at 11:11. The agent sent one final message – "The group finds a random cow at the Big Momma". Take this Rusty Toothbrush - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Evan Vazquez

Alias

"Dull Armadillo"

Features

7' 11"

Amber eyes

Faint curved scar / Crotch

Organization

The Sisterhood of Huge Exam

Emotions

Elated

Personality

Rapidly Chuffed

Motive

Take over a government to be left alone

Bodyguard

Charles the "Good Elephant"

Physical Size

Sizable

Story

Additional Locations

The Dazzling Carnival

Overpopulated Festival

Freshness Suburbs

Random Events

Husband Bounces oddly

Buccaneer Lunges at the group

Wanderer is being loudly arrested

Storm Is throwing a protest

World

Stores

Catherine's Notebook Convenience store

Avila's Notebook Bureau

Moore's Faberge Egg Department store

Stevens's Vase Bazaar

Traps

Incendiary Cloud

Compacting Room of Vulnerability

Objects

Notebook that has been hollowed out

Faberge Egg that is glowing

Secret Notebook

Hidden Bottle

Staff of Vulnerability

Wand of Wonder

Next puddle stepped in by target inspires him to megalomania

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Weston Avila "White Lox" Merchant Soup Horses
Kaiden Moore "Left Legs" Mole Lamps Socks
Maya Scott Townsfolk Mirrors Rabbits
Catherine Hanson Frustrated Soap Basketball
Bailey Stevens Dentist Rubber Bands Glass

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).