The Director Welcomes You

The Chili Grave Consequences Incident

#33e272

Location

Cloudy, Foul Nepal

Time of Day

21:24

Extraction Point

127 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

40 Hours

Snoopers,
It seems "No Siren" has gone level 5. They have been broadcasting this message "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the giants footsteps". We need you to eliminate them, Cheerfully. Their last known location was recorded at 09:18. You have a Dull Barstool as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tablet of Stone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alina Mejia

Alias

"No Siren"

Features

7' 5"

Gray eyes

Large moles / Right thumb

Organization

The Bunch of Dead Tramp

Emotions

Anguished

Personality

Cheerfully Disruptive

Motive

Take over a government to escape their destiny

Bodyguard

James the "Tragic Ogre"

Physical Size

Full

Story

Additional Locations

The Slatted Business

Crowded Island

Bitterness Business

Random Events

Bottle of Soy Sauce Adopts a nearby child

Whore Is being detained

Ninja Bursts loudly

Box of Cigarette Bursts loudly

World

Stores

Aliyah's Workbench Wardrobe

Henry's Hatrack Beauty Stop

Jennings's Sculpture Productions

Simon's Tapestry Supermarket

Traps

Scything Blade

Poison Dart of Grave Consequences

Objects

Workbench children's replica

Sculpture made of heavy metal

Secret Hatrack

Hidden Soy Sauce Packet

Brass Knuckles of Grave Consequences

Wand of Wonder

Target asserts that he’s an assassin from the distant future

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Amelia Henry "Cheap Hands" Merchant Cellphones Chickens
Joel Jennings "Four Noses" Mole Cartography Soda
Sydney Goodman Restless Candy Sun Glasses
Aliyah Schneider Actor Soda Soup
Jade Simon Frazzled Sun Glasses Doors

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).