The Director Welcomes You

The Battle Doom Protocol

#15a801

Location

Gorgeous, Breezy Yemen

Time of Day

10:7

Extraction Point

87 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

36 Hours

Examiners,
As you can see you are trapped inside the bottom of a Crowded Forge . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Short gorgon" is responsible and they sent us this message - "A white horse dashes past at the Apple Orchard". Your mission was clandestine, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Fluffy Tape Measure hidden on you.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Paige Jimenez

Alias

"Short gorgon"

Features

4' 11"

Blue eyes

Large moles / Right thumb

Organization

The Union of Bruised Ashtray

Emotions

Exhilarated

Personality

Rightfully Freezing

Motive

Make a lot of money for revenge

Bodyguard

Jack the "Avian Dolphin"

Physical Size

Colossal

Story

Additional Locations

The Dank Lodge

Desolate Acropolis

Disaster Suburbs

Random Events

Goblet Protests

VAT of Broth approaches

Beggar Attempts to rob a bank

Vagabond Strikes the church bell

World

Stores

Antonio's Stamp Set Productions

Wells's Cabinet Consulting

Russell's File Beauty Stop

Spencer's Faberge Egg Couture

Traps

Flooding Room

Floor Net of Doom

Objects

Stamp Set with a False bottom

File with a False bottom

Secret Cabinet

Hidden Credit Card

Chewing Gum of Doom

Wand of Wonder

Caster can drink only from a golden bowl worth 100 gold pieces

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Owen Wells "Blue Knuckles" Merchant Gym Memberships Essential Oils
Adeline Russell "Short Hearts" Mole Bells Mirrors
Adrian Schroeder Midwife Contracts Boxes
Antonio Brady Midwife Acorns Balloons
Delilah Spencer Plumber Pillows Painting

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).