The Director Welcomes You

The Ape Dark Protocol

#1da7ac

Location

Balmy, Gloomy Tajikistan

Time of Day

23:57

Extraction Point

61 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

33 Hours

Operatives,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Chaise with a False bottom. Get to Tajikistan at 05:13

Good Luck.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Jude Curtis

Alias

"Three Hyena"

Features

7' 9"

Green eyes

Stretch Marks / Right thumb

Organization

The Committee of Bewildered Tampon

Emotions

Safe

Personality

Uselessly Obtuse

Motive

Take over a government justice for a wrong-doing

Bodyguard

Simon the "Sour Gnome"

Physical Size

Towering

Story

Additional Locations

The Gorgeous Sanctuary

Archaic Business

Obliteration Port

Random Events

Feminist is loose

Pine Branch Protests

Robber gathers near a point of interest

Box of Mice overflows

World

Stores

Amy's Chaise Industries

Norton's Trunk Du jour

Mills's Bible Little shop

Harrington's Vanity Convenience store

Traps

Incendiary Cloud

Built-to-Collapse Wall of Dark

Objects

Chaise with a False bottom

Bible that is glowing

Secret Trunk

Hidden Coin

Medallion of Dark

Wand of Wonder

If caster is wearing a magic ring, he goes insane for 1d4 days

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Bennett Norton "Gross Livers" Merchant Chalk Sponges
Gavin Mills "Cramped Cheesecakes" Mole Squirrels Tigers
Audrey Rose Consultant Books Lions
Amy Brewer Veteran Paperclips Tea
Mya Harrington Human Statue Horses Rubber Bands

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).