The Director Welcomes You

The Orifice Fire Protocol

#a7dc09

Location

Stormy, Chilly Portugal

Time of Day

20:37

Extraction Point

141 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

27 Hours

Silent Negotiators,
It seems "Fat Horse" has gone level 10. They have been broadcasting this message "Distant sounds of screaming at the Fallen King". We need you to eliminate them, Unimpressively. Their last known location was recorded at 10:06. You have a Explosive Headphones as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Antonio Stephens

Alias

"Fat Horse"

Features

7' 1"

Green eyes

A second belly button / Left eye

Organization

The Bureau of Nefarious Thimble

Emotions

Outraged

Personality

Unimpressively Luminous

Motive

Take over a government to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Randy the "Quaint Zombie"

Physical Size

Tall

Story

Additional Locations

The Boiling Island

Abandoned Spring

Extermination Jungle

Random Events

Lactose Intolerance skins a cat with his teeth

Deadbeat arrives in the mail

Store Evades the law

Princess Bounces oddly

World

Stores

Camila's Music Box Worldwide

Shaw's Letter Opener Warehouse

Fleming's Loveseat Bureau

Saunders's Platter Little shop

Traps

Camouflaged Pit

Burning Hands of Fire

Objects

Music Box children's replica

Loveseat that is glowing

Secret Letter Opener

Hidden Chewing Gum

Arrows of Fire

Wand of Wonder

Target can ingest and digest small quantities of wood

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Peyton Shaw "Quiet Knuckles" Merchant Sailboats Sticky Notes
Maxwell Fleming "Heavy Matzo Balls" Mole Tissues Music
Patrick Herrera Frustrated Snowglobes Ice Cubes
Camila Hardy Depressed Rocks Dice
William Saunders Cosmetologist Bracelets Toilets

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).