The Director Welcomes You

The Kitten Fire Protocol

#f961cf

Location

Dull, Foggy South Africa

Time of Day

22:16

Extraction Point

134 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

12 Hours

Eyeballs,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Metal chair that has been hollowed out. Get to South Africa at 05:02

Good Luck.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Liliana Riley

Alias

"Gross Whale"

Features

7' 4"

Gray eyes

Stretch Marks / Right leg

Organization

The Community of Microscopic Splint

Emotions

Humiliated

Personality

Fatally Ripe

Motive

Make a lot of money for fear of the heroes

Bodyguard

Terry the "Revolting Imp"

Physical Size

Scanty

Story

Additional Locations

The Skinny Reef

Archaic Circus

Doom Manor

Random Events

Turtle Bounces oddly

Potato Is under a curse

Husband gathers near a point of interest

Baker skins a cat with his teeth

World

Stores

Avery's Metal chair Unlimited

Cook's Hanging Birdcage International

Moody's Notebook Market

Maldonado's Quill and Ink Closet

Traps

Water-Filled Room

Floor Net of Fire

Objects

Metal chair that has been hollowed out

Notebook that is glowing

Secret Hanging Birdcage

Hidden Lipstick

File of Fire

Wand of Wonder

Next potion imbibed by caster cures him of any current diseases

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Bryce Cook "Indigo Pretzels" Merchant Teeth Coffee
Blake Moody "Drowsy Falafels" Mole Sticks Tissues
Zoe Rodriguez Dietitian Sun Glasses Slippers
Avery McGee Demon Candy Jigsaw Puzzles
Angelina Maldonado Bruised Dice Baseball

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).