The Director Welcomes You

The Bruised Ogre Inquisition

#b9da37

Location

Breezy, Miserable Congo, Democratic Republic of the

Time of Day

7:56

Extraction Point

44 Miles E

Time to Complete

19 Hours

Operatives,
As you can see you are trapped inside within earshot of a Archaic Missile Launch Site . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Five Owlman" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Distant sounds of screaming at the old bridge". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Sharp Calculator hidden on you.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Luis Beck

Alias

"Five Owlman"

Features

4' 2"

Amber eyes

Stretch Marks / Left arm

Organization

The Sisterhood of Judicious Quilt

Emotions

Uncertain

Personality

Faithfully Big

Motive

Make a lot of money to lead a mutiny

Bodyguard

Alex the "Bad Siren"

Physical Size

Microscopic

Story

Additional Locations

The Bruised Festival

Compact Masquerade

Obsession Carnival

Random Events

Chauvinist Is throwing a protest

Baker meets disaster

Corncob is robbed

Horse Carriage Crashes slowly

World

Stores

Brantley's Shoe Horn Factory

Lowe's Goblet Cosmetics

Craig's Musical instrument Chic Chåteau

Harmon's Fireplace Labs

Traps

Poisoned Arrow

Camouflaged Pit of Casualties

Objects

Shoe Horn that has been hollowed out

Musical instrument that is glowing

Secret Goblet

Hidden Blowgun

Arrows of Casualties

Wand of Wonder

Someone nearby is wearing a suit of solid gold plate armor

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Maya Lowe "Dull Throats" Merchant Cookies Glitter
Lyla Craig "Plump Cheesecakes" Mole Horses Water
Alice Flores Depressed Death Squirrels
Brantley Kelly Funeral Director Scarves Dolphins
Arianna Harmon Waiter Soap Writers

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).