The Director Welcomes You

The Delightful Kiss Crusade

#fdcf1f

Location

Bright, Chilly Russia

Time of Day

16:29

Extraction Point

15 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

8 Hours

Undercover Emissaries,
I have sent you to climb a Deserted Barn Dance to look for a suspect by the name "Fat ghost". This mission is counterintelligence. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to stop the outbreak. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "Distant sounds of screaming at the ruined castle".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Clandestine Bread in your kit to help.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Bryson Moody

Alias

"Fat ghost"

Features

7' 7"

Hazel eyes

Stretch Marks / Left foot

Organization

The Company of Obedient Class

Emotions

Relieved

Personality

Arrogantly Arid

Motive

Disrupt the military out of desperation

Bodyguard

Crystal the "Recessive Seal"

Physical Size

Considerable

Story

Additional Locations

The Delightful Tower

Touristy Chateau

Catastrophe Reef

Random Events

Beggar screams at the top of their lungs

Butter Shipment Spontaneously disintegrates

Chanting Cult is loose

Meteor gathers near a point of interest

World

Stores

Easton's Easel Industries

Flynn's Doorway Wardrobe

Salinas's Figurine Technologies

Mills's Wardrobe Closet

Traps

Poison Dart

Collapsing Column of Bravery

Objects

Easel with a False bottom

Figurine made of heavy metal

Secret Doorway

Hidden Nipple Clamp

Glasses of Bravery

Wand of Wonder

Caster can discern a person’s age by touching him

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Giovanni Flynn "Left Pretzels" Merchant Soap Soap
David Salinas "Right Parmigianas" Mole Lamps Dice
Cameron Gonzalez Phantom Rocks Snowglobes
Easton Frazier Journalist Butterflies Chili
Malachi Mills Cheerful Glitter Slippers

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).