The Director Welcomes You

The Upliftingly Polite Agent

#ba4722

Location

Rainy, Humid Romania

Time of Day

14:47

Extraction Point

119 Miles W

Time to Complete

47 Hours

Operatives,
I have sent you to the bottom of a Polluted Spring to look for a suspect by the name "Casual Porpoises". This mission is black bag. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to retrieve their missile codes. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A vagrant asks for food at the Ancient Fountain".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Evil Bottle in your kit to help.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Mariah Walton

Alias

"Casual Porpoises"

Features

4' 11"

Brown eyes

Stretch Marks / Neck

Organization

The Task Force of Purring Investment

Emotions

Disgraced

Personality

Upliftingly Large

Motive

Take over a country for pure destruction

Bodyguard

Nicky the "Putrid Nymph"

Physical Size

Narrow

Story

Additional Locations

The Polite Lake

Touristy House

Darkness Isle

Random Events

Bottle of Soy Sauce Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Demon strikes the ground

Bag of Lemons Is frozen into a block of ice

Hoard Catches leprosy

World

Stores

Cameron's Bonsai Supermarket

Bowen's Bureau Solutions

Kennedy's Shirt Wardrobe

Watson's Mirror Labs

Traps

Burning Hands

Bear Trap of Dark

Objects

Bonsai made of heavy metal

Shirt made of heavy metal

Secret Bureau

Hidden Sticks

Pen of Dark

Wand of Wonder

Caster can remove one eye and replace it at will

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Leah Bowen "White Spleens" Merchant Children's Stories Gym Memberships
Brielle Kennedy "Three Cheesecakes" Mole Jazz Hammers
Kaiden Schmidt Demon Photography Cellphones
Cameron Oconnor Headhunter Video Games Tissues
Jameson Watson Professional Cuddler Cellphones Basketball

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).