The Director Welcomes You

The Constipated Tramp Crisis

#6b229a

Location

Icy, Calm Tanzania

Time of Day

16:12

Extraction Point

178 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Agents,
I have sent you to circle a Desolate Citadel to look for a suspect by the name "Small Sprite". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to retrieve their missile codes. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A shrine is nearby at the dry riverbed".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Robotic Bikini in your kit to help.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Gabriel Davidson

Alias

"Small Sprite"

Features

4' 1"

Brown eyes

Large moles / Neck

Organization

The Brotherhood of Wide Tank

Emotions

Panicked

Personality

Knavishly Serpentine

Motive

Take over a government to control the Children

Bodyguard

Tiffany the "Quaint starfish"

Physical Size

Miniature

Story

Additional Locations

The Constipated Crypt

Touristy Tower

Irritation Chateau

Random Events

Crow Glistens gently

Carcass grabs a lady's purse

Panhandler Attempts to rob a bank

Nearby Gas Tank is loose

World

Stores

Amaya's Cutting board Boutique

Ruiz's Fruit Bowl Consulting

Garcia's Paperweight Supermarket

Rodriguez's Stamp Set Collective

Traps

Moving Executioner Statue

Bricks from Ceiling of Euphoria

Objects

Cutting board that has been hollowed out

Paperweight children's replica

Secret Fruit Bowl

Hidden Bangle

Bracer of Euphoria

Wand of Wonder

Caster has an extraordinary sense of balance

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Sydney Ruiz "Wild Boy" Merchant Children's Stories Syrup
Norah Garcia "King Lemons" Mole Eggs Sharks
Julianna Hampton Pharmacist Butterflies Chickens
Amaya Adams Animator Chili Television
Jaxon Rodriguez Midwife Books Physics

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).