The Director Welcomes You

The Obtuse Monsoon Enigma

#79630e

Location

Warm, Rainy Congo, Republic of the

Time of Day

10:9

Extraction Point

162 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

24 Hours

Investigators,
It seems "Cheap Aardvark" has gone level 9. They have been broadcasting this message "Clouds develop quickly at the Field of Wildflowers". We need you to eliminate them, Obediently. Their last known location was recorded at 01:15. You have a Heavy Hot Glue Gun as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Aiden Kim

Alias

"Cheap Aardvark"

Features

6' 8"

Amber eyes

Large deep scar / Right eye

Organization

The Society of Baleful Oatmeal

Emotions

Irritated

Personality

Obediently Meaty

Motive

Take over a country for a love interest

Bodyguard

Harrison the "Ancient Wendigo"

Physical Size

Elder

Story

Additional Locations

The Obtuse Carousal

Overpopulated Fortress

Grave Consequences Park

Random Events

Whore Is frozen into a block of ice

Fairy Is being tortured

Bear strikes the ground

Squirrel Glistens gently

World

Stores

Brayden's Basket Unlimited

Barnett's Fire poker set Discount

Santos's Shelf of alcohol Discount

Jacobs's Hatrack Emporium

Traps

Moving Executioner Statue

Ghoul Touch of Animosity

Objects

Basket children's replica

Shelf of alcohol children's replica

Secret Fire poker set

Hidden Frying Pan

Sickle of Animosity

Wand of Wonder

Caster’s next Summoning yields a mockery of the intended effect

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Miles Barnett "King Livers" Merchant Cellphones Flashlights
King Santos "Orange Churros" Mole Scarves Hamsters
Sofia Perry Pharmacist Lions Deodorant
Brayden Marshall Flirty Chickens Physics
Benjamin Jacobs Dentist Chalk Mirrors

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).