The Director Welcomes You

The Rapid Regret Assignment

#9cdca7

Location

Balmy, Cool Poland

Time of Day

10:35

Extraction Point

30 Miles W

Time to Complete

4 Hours

Sleuths,
I have sent you to within a Rundown Festival to look for a suspect by the name "Casual Centaur". This mission is counterintelligence. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to retrieve their missile codes. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The group finds a random cow at the Wizard's Scar".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Colorful Ballpoint Pen in your kit to help.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Skylar Powers

Alias

"Casual Centaur"

Features

7' 3"

Hazel eyes

Small mole / Left hand

Organization

The Unit of Holy Soiree

Emotions

Sorrow

Personality

Blindly Tropical

Motive

Take over a government fueled by conspiracy

Bodyguard

Simon the "Depressed Rhinoceroses"

Physical Size

Huge

Story

Additional Locations

The Rapid Chateau

Touristy Castle

Bravery Maze

Random Events

Crazy Man Bounces oddly

Chanting Cult Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Procession Is under a curse

Pickpocket Is frozen into a block of ice

World

Stores

Grant's Candlesticks Convenience store

Washington's Urn Unlimited

Patel's Bottle Logistics

Lambert's Flowers Growing Convenience store

Traps

Poison Needle

Swinging Block of Fire

Objects

Candlesticks that is glowing

Bottle children's replica

Secret Urn

Hidden Pen

Pants of Fire

Wand of Wonder

Caster’s eyes appear crystalline like diamonds

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Robert Washington "Green Fingers" Merchant Oranges Bears
Jeremiah Patel "White Scars" Mole Baseball Glitter
Daisy Dixon Physician Books Fire
Grant Lloyd Angry Scarves Attention
Kai Lambert Counselor Lamps Glass

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).