The Director Welcomes You

Operation — Horny Jizz

#152c39

Location

Rainy, Wet Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Time of Day

3:50

Extraction Point

140 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

19 Hours

Ambassadors,
I have sent you to the bottom of a Abandoned Circus to look for a suspect by the name "No Cat". This mission is black bag. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to rescue our field agent. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "Clouds develop quickly at the Skull shaped island".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Bulbous Abascus in your kit to help.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Dominic Cook

Alias

"No Cat"

Features

5' 9"

Brown eyes

A second belly button / Left hand

Organization

The Order of Obnoxious Basketball

Emotions

Sad

Personality

Nervously Arid

Motive

Make a lot of money to become famous

Bodyguard

Peter the "Square Lion"

Physical Size

Colossal

Story

Additional Locations

The Horny Jungle

Pitch Black Carnival

Cleanliness Carousal

Random Events

Squirrel strikes the ground

Carcass Spontaneously disintegrates

Musical Finds gold in the water

Dozen Eggs Salutes the adventurers

World

Stores

Dean's Crock Boutique

Jimenez's Doorway Mall

Carlson's Candlesticks Specialities

Fletcher's Tapestry Logistics

Traps

Acid Arrow

Acid Fog of The Blackest Black

Objects

Crock that has been hollowed out

Candlesticks with a False bottom

Secret Doorway

Hidden Bracelet

Brass Knuckles of The Blackest Black

Wand of Wonder

Target receives a sign that he should devote himself to magic

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Julian Jimenez "Fast Stomachs" Merchant Toilets Money
Harrison Carlson "Green Knuckles" Mole Snowglobes Drinking
Rowan Norris Dentist Bread Trucks
Dean Hall Intoxicated Cats Bells
Elizabeth Fletcher Butcher Mirrors Horses

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).