The Director Welcomes You

Who is Jack Salami?

#45bbe8

Location

Mild, Frigid Thailand

Time of Day

2:23

Extraction Point

47 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

4 Hours

Undercover Emissaries,
It seems "Chunky Cat" has gone level 8. They have been broadcasting this message "A stranger can be seen in the shadows at the Wizard's Scar". We need you to eliminate them, Reluctantly. Their last known location was recorded at 17:15. You have a Angry Cigarette as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Everly Malone

Alias

"Chunky Cat"

Features

5' 7"

Heterochromia eyes

Small mole / Left hand

Organization

The Union of Magnificent Cocktail

Emotions

Relieved

Personality

Reluctantly Harsh

Motive

Take over a government to lead a mutiny

Bodyguard

Jack the "Thoughtless Bear"

Physical Size

Massive

Story

Additional Locations

The Hollow Grove

Hidden Carousal

Exuberance Carnival

Random Events

Renaissance Faire is robbed

Midwife gathers near a point of interest

Cookie is loose

Wanderer scurries by

World

Stores

Calvin's Wingback chair Industries

Castro's Marionette Creative

Nguyen's Staircase Couture

Reyes's Workbench Department store

Traps

Razor-Wire across Hallway

Fire of Expiration

Objects

Wingback chair with a False bottom

Staircase that has been hollowed out

Secret Marionette

Hidden Spikes

Cat of Expiration

Wand of Wonder

After each spell, caster looks like a cadaver for 1d4 rounds

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Victoria Castro "Nice Waffles" Merchant Sponges Lions
Everly Nguyen "Silver Toes" Mole Physics Sharp Things
Jude Byrd Professional Cuddler Hammers Quartz Crystals
Calvin Cross Veteran Glitter Honey
Elliott Reyes Electrician Dinosaurs Trucks

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).