The Director Welcomes You

The Regret Grave Consequences Protocol

#9719d1

Location

Bright, Dull Brunei

Time of Day

17:30

Extraction Point

141 Miles NNW

Time to Complete

2 Hours

Investigators,
I have sent you to enter a Underwater Crypt to look for a suspect by the name "Heavy Cyclops". This mission is clandestine. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to disable the bomb. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The earth shakes briefly at the Big Momma".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Clean Blanket in your kit to help.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Zoe Hopkins

Alias

"Heavy Cyclops"

Features

4' 6"

Hazel eyes

Faint curved scar / Left leg

Organization

The Firm of Repulsive Flame

Emotions

Proud

Personality

Always Swift

Motive

Make a lot of money to corrupt everyone

Bodyguard

Jackie the "Hissing Opossums"

Physical Size

Meager

Story

Additional Locations

The Tasteless Lodge

Expensive Fortress

Casualties Manor

Random Events

Tramp strikes the ground

VAT of Broth scurries by

Woman arrives in the mail

Meteor Lunges at the group

World

Stores

Molly's Rubber Plant Convenience store

Haynes's Rubber Plant Discount

McCarthy's crutch Couture

Espinoza's Tea Pot Technologies

Traps

Blade Barrier

Built-to-Collapse Wall of Grave Consequences

Objects

Rubber Plant that has been hollowed out

crutch that has been hollowed out

Secret Rubber Plant

Hidden Blindfold

Necklace of Grave Consequences

Wand of Wonder

If caster ingests poison, he briefly gains 1d4 points of Wisdom

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Madelyn Haynes "Stiff Parmigianas" Merchant Slippers Sailboats
Asher McCarthy "Small Brains" Mole Balloons Harmonica
Elizabeth Watson Broker Bells Notes
Molly Wolf Banker Coffee Easter
Jordan Espinoza Optimistic Whipped Cream Cookies

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).