The Director Welcomes You

Operation — Feckless Salami

#fc6bc5

Location

Foul, Foggy Libya

Time of Day

22:13

Extraction Point

177 Miles SSW

Time to Complete

45 Hours

Silent Negotiators,
It seems "Indigo mammoth" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "The group finds a random cow at the Underwater cave". We need you to eliminate them, Knowingly. Their last known location was recorded at 08:20. You have a Fluffy Mirror as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Robert Cook

Alias

"Indigo mammoth"

Features

5' 11"

Amber eyes

Stretch Marks / Right arm

Organization

The company of Dry Safety

Emotions

Disappointed

Personality

Knowingly Shrill

Motive

Take over a government out of jealousy

Bodyguard

Ralphie the "Thoughtless Rhinoceroses"

Physical Size

Towering

Story

Additional Locations

The Feckless City

Underwater Manor

Competency Fortress

Random Events

Demon overflows

Deadbeat Adopts a nearby child

Delivery Guy Adopts a nearby child

Amulet Catches leprosy

World

Stores

Jose's Bell Little shop

Dean's Sculpture Closet

Weaver's Shirt Du jour

Willis's Painting Industries

Traps

Ceiling Pendulum

Water-Filled Room of Casualties

Objects

Bell made of heavy metal

Shirt that has been hollowed out

Secret Sculpture

Hidden Rapier

Crossbow of Casualties

Wand of Wonder

All within 50 yards shrink 1d4 inches

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Adrian Dean "Nice Spleens" Merchant Lamps Jigsaw Puzzles
Luke Weaver "Junior Heels" Mole Candles Batteries
Madelyn Obrien Phantom Glass Fire
Jose Bailey Elevator Mechanic Paper Candy
Eden Willis Zestful Painting Music

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).