The Director Welcomes You

Who is Donald Variety?

#0d002c

Location

Foggy, Hot Nauru

Time of Day

20:25

Extraction Point

44 Miles NW

Time to Complete

29 Hours

Spy Deputies,
It seems "Wild Orcs" has gone level 1. They have been broadcasting this message "A shadow passes at the Wizard's Scar". We need you to eliminate them, Mockingly. Their last known location was recorded at 06:20. You have a Slippery Calculator as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Sawyer Ortega

Alias

"Wild Orcs"

Features

5' 8"

Amber eyes

Faint curved scar / Right foot

Organization

The Office of Didactic Mother

Emotions

Irritated

Personality

Mockingly Few

Motive

Make a lot of money to lust for power

Bodyguard

Donald the "Mammoth Turtle"

Physical Size

Hefty

Story

Additional Locations

The Feisty House

Expensive Castle

Censorship Lodge

Random Events

Drunk Bounces oddly

Crowd chase a suspect

Pine Branch chase a suspect

Safe strikes the ground

World

Stores

Leonardo's Plaster Bust Wardrobe

Goodman's Bell Closet

Dean's Watch Du jour

Day's Candlesticks Solutions

Traps

Ray of Sickness

Wall Blade of Excitement

Objects

Plaster Bust that is glowing

Watch that is glowing

Secret Bell

Hidden Sabre

Helmet of Excitement

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t be burned by steam while he’s wearing boots or shoes

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Emmanuel Goodman "Cramped Matzo Balls" Merchant Trucks Plushies
Khloe Dean "Golden Muscles" Mole Quartz Crystals Hamsters
Caroline Oconnor Indifferent Lamps Essential Oils
Leonardo Mejia Townsfolk Tigers Shirts
Taylor Day Consultant Soup Plushies

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).