The Director Welcomes You

The Loftily Worried Agent

#c19014

Location

Dull, Miserable Kyrgyzstan

Time of Day

21:16

Extraction Point

122 Miles E

Time to Complete

6 Hours

Examiners,
We need your help. Agent Adalynn Myers has gone missing and we believe "Cramped Bear" is responsible. They were last seen in Kyrgyzstan at 12:02. The agent sent one final message – "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the old bridge". Take this Glowing Barstool - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Austin Moss

Alias

"Cramped Bear"

Features

4' 8"

Blue eyes

Faint curved scar / Neck

Organization

The Alliance of Full Log Cabin

Emotions

Aggravated

Personality

Loftily Edgy

Motive

Take over a government for fear of the heroes

Bodyguard

Ali the "Bumpy Dwarf"

Physical Size

Great

Story

Additional Locations

The Worried Manor

Touristy Isle

Exuberance Carnival

Random Events

VAT of Broth Glistens gently

Pine Branch Is hurled at the adventurers

Deadbeat scurries by

Musical Spontaneously disintegrates

World

Stores

Evelyn's crutch International

Vega's Pan Consulting

Medina's Bonsai Hole

Myers's Paperweight Wardrobe

Traps

Flame Strike

Arrow of Optimism

Objects

crutch made of heavy metal

Bonsai that has been hollowed out

Secret Pan

Hidden Sticks

Chastity Belt of Optimism

Wand of Wonder

The entire area is dark as midnight for 1d4 weeks

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Morgan Vega "White Hearts" Merchant Deodorant Sharp Things
Quinn Medina "Left Matzo Balls" Mole Washing Machines Football
Grayson Gray Hotel Manager Tea Sticks
Evelyn Patton Teacher Boxes Trucks
Adalynn Myers Broker Mirrors Squirrels

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).