The Director Welcomes You

Death, Mimosa, Fight, Spy.

#559240

Location

Foul, Dry Thailand

Time of Day

11:45

Extraction Point

174 Miles NW

Time to Complete

4 Hours

Scrutinizers,
It seems "Sharp Drunken Irish Guy" has gone level 6. They have been broadcasting this message "Distant sounds of screaming at the Sacrificial Hole". We need you to eliminate them, Annually. Their last known location was recorded at 17:14. You have a Angry Blaser as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Santiago Navarro

Alias

"Sharp Drunken Irish Guy"

Features

6' 4"

Heterochromia eyes

Large deep scar / Right arm

Organization

The Council of Salmon Fight

Emotions

Hopeless

Personality

Annually Orange

Motive

Make a lot of money because they straight up craycray

Bodyguard

Hal the "Huge Bear"

Physical Size

Big

Story

Additional Locations

The Cuddly Suburbs

Underground Forge

Obsession Manor

Random Events

Herd of Chicken Is throwing a protest

Hoard Is being tortured

Bank Bursts loudly

Procession arrives in the mail

World

Stores

Grant's Fireplace Du jour

Saunders's Rug Technologies

Flores's Sink Group

Peterson's Desk Creative

Traps

Large Net

Blade Barrier of Fury

Objects

Fireplace that has been hollowed out

Sink that has been hollowed out

Secret Rug

Hidden Bangle

Nipple Clamp of Fury

Wand of Wonder

All trolls within 10 miles adopt a kinder, gentler philosophy

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Eric Saunders "Five Eyes" Merchant Tigers Singing
Catherine Flores "Chunky Arms" Mole Tigers Whipped Cream
Jack Baker Angry Essential Oils Bread
Grant McGee Lawyer Money Boxes
Daisy Peterson Cleaner Cartography Singing

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).