The Director Welcomes You

Variety, Splint, Leg, Spy.

#949b82

Location

Dull, Foggy Tuvalu

Time of Day

24:22

Extraction Point

183 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

36 Hours

Operatives,
It seems "Junior Eel" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "A traveling merchant appears at the Wizard's Scar". We need you to eliminate them, Immediately. Their last known location was recorded at 04:19. You have a Slippery Lipstick as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Isaac Oconnor

Alias

"Junior Eel"

Features

6' 9"

Amber eyes

A second belly button / Neck

Organization

The Sisterhood of Yellow Leg

Emotions

Safe

Personality

Immediately Modern

Motive

Take over a country to become famous

Bodyguard

Nancy the "Swift Seal"

Physical Size

Paltry

Story

Additional Locations

The Wrong Circus

Underwater Grove

Fatality Mansion

Random Events

Gypsy drops from the sky

Nearby Gas Tank Evades the law

Whore Adopts a nearby child

Bag of Lemons Skips merrily

World

Stores

David's Sink International

Espinoza's Stamp Set Supermarket

Lawrence's Armoir Ventures

Rhodes's Credenza Group

Traps

Poison Dart

Beehive of Virtue

Objects

Sink children's replica

Armoir that is glowing

Secret Stamp Set

Hidden Knife

Ring of Virtue

Wand of Wonder

Caster claims to have begotten a child with a god

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Adaline Espinoza "Cramped Ankles" Merchant Attention Harmonica
Ryker Lawrence "Meaty Fingers" Mole Cooking Essential Oils
Julianna Hill Cheerful Oranges Dinosaurs
David Byrd Dentist Rabbits Jazz
Waylon Rhodes Professional Cuddler Squirrels Water

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).