The Director Welcomes You

Closet Royale

#28889a

Location

Miserable, Bright Chad

Time of Day

6:7

Extraction Point

94 Miles SE

Time to Complete

33 Hours

Scrutinizers,
We need your help. Agent Julian Richardson has gone missing and we believe "Obese Gnome" is responsible. They were last seen in Chad at 12:10. The agent sent one final message – "A thick fog rolls in at the Old battlefield". Take this Slippery Paint Brush - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Daniela Walton

Alias

"Obese Gnome"

Features

6' 9"

Amber eyes

A second belly button / Left middle finger

Organization

The League of Nervous Orgy

Emotions

Irritated

Personality

Willfully Warm

Motive

Take over a country because they straight up craycray

Bodyguard

Tiffany the "Wide Platypuses"

Physical Size

Poor

Story

Additional Locations

The Raspy Port

Underwater Isle

Cheer Palace

Random Events

Drunk is heard screaming

Transport stop the party and asks questions

Vagrant Integrates silently into the group

Dracula Calls menacingly

World

Stores

Rachel's Notebook Closet

Oliver's Candelabra Closet

Harrington's Quill and Ink Threads

Richardson's Paperweight Closet

Traps

Symbol of Hypnosis

Falling Block of Optimism

Objects

Notebook that has been hollowed out

Quill and Ink that has been hollowed out

Secret Candelabra

Hidden Sword

Throwing Dart of Optimism

Wand of Wonder

A local ruler invades a sovereign nation under false pretenses

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Mattie Oliver "Three Thumbs" Merchant Soup Tea
Adeline Harrington "Two Ankles" Mole Sailboats Houses
Nova Christensen Counselor Glitter Toilets
Rachel Clark Athlete Rock n' Roll Horses
Julian Richardson Physician Toilets Cartography

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).