The Director Welcomes You

Cosmetics Royale

#3d4cdf

Location

Windless, Foul Somalia

Time of Day

6:45

Extraction Point

41 Miles N

Time to Complete

24 Hours

Informants,
I have sent you to descend into Hidden Grove to look for a suspect by the name "Meaty Elephants". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to disable the bomb. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The group finds a dead fish at the ruined castle".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Colorful Plier in your kit to help.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Jude Terry

Alias

"Meaty Elephants"

Features

4' 2"

Amber eyes

Small mole / Left foot

Organization

The Guild of Endemic Boundary

Emotions

Amused

Personality

Nearly Uptight

Motive

Take over a country out of desperation

Bodyguard

Christopher the "Facetious Zombie"

Physical Size

Huge

Story

Additional Locations

The Oafish Island

Touristy Sanctuary

Obliteration Forest

Random Events

Chanting Cult Bounces oddly

Cauldron Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Sewer Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Nearby Gas Tank screams at the top of their lungs

World

Stores

Ezra's End Table Cosmetics

Lucas's Desk Discount

Fowler's Candle Hole

Tate's Barrel Wardrobe

Traps

Portcullis

Javelin of Purity

Objects

End Table with a False bottom

Candle children's replica

Secret Desk

Hidden Chewing Gum

Frying Pan of Purity

Wand of Wonder

All humans within 10 miles are suddenly wearing peculiar hats

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Brielle Lucas "Blue Feet" Merchant Quartz Crystals Doors
Greyson Fowler "Black Falafels" Mole Acorns Bears
Kingston Reese Dentist Sticky Notes Harmonica
Ezra Simon Elevator Mechanic Comic Books Lipstick
Eliana Tate Vision Ice Cubes Mirrors

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).