The Director Welcomes You

The Clamp Optimism Protocol

#91d875

Location

Overcast, Foul Cyprus

Time of Day

5:19

Extraction Point

46 Miles SE

Time to Complete

4 Hours

Meddlers,
It seems "Gross Turtle" has gone level 8. They have been broadcasting this message "A vagrant asks for money at the Old battlefield". We need you to eliminate them, Sheepishly. Their last known location was recorded at 16:11. You have a Vicious Coin as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Audrey Norris

Alias

"Gross Turtle"

Features

6' 3"

Green eyes

Small mole / Left thumb

Organization

The Office of Brutish Shooting Range

Emotions

Brave

Personality

Sheepishly Rapping

Motive

Make a lot of money to become rich

Bodyguard

Alex the "Progressive Hydra"

Physical Size

Elder

Story

Additional Locations

The Billions Pond

Bustling House

Death Circus

Random Events

Dracula Is throwing a BBQ

Cookie Is frozen into a block of ice

Bard Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Chauvinist chase a suspect

World

Stores

Mya's Mounted Animal Productions

Spencer's Window Little shop

Parsons's Fireplace Bazaar

Carpenter's Sofa International

Traps

Reverse Gravity

Bricks from Ceiling of Optimism

Objects

Mounted Animal children's replica

Fireplace children's replica

Secret Window

Hidden Javelins

Whip of Optimism

Wand of Wonder

Target is invisible while shouting

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ruby Spencer "King Ankles" Merchant Basketball Socks
Jack Parsons "Right Elbows" Mole Washing Machines Painting
Amelia Lucas Geologist Sticky Notes Batteries
Mya Delgado Dog surfing instructor Mirrors Candles
Eric Carpenter Meteorologist Hammers Comic Books

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).