The Director Welcomes You

The Hot Purity Protocol

#8bd345

Location

Cloudless, Miserable Mexico

Time of Day

3:45

Extraction Point

10 Miles NE

Time to Complete

12 Hours

Agents,
It seems "Silver Lion" has gone level 9. They have been broadcasting this message "A thick fog rolls in at the Music Store". We need you to eliminate them, Upliftingly. Their last known location was recorded at 07:21. You have a Delicate Banana as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Luna Lindsey

Alias

"Silver Lion"

Features

4' 9"

Hazel eyes

Faint curved scar / Right thumb

Organization

The Order of Whining Cork

Emotions

Alienated

Personality

Upliftingly Evasive

Motive

Take over a government because of grief and loss

Bodyguard

Charles the "Cheap Hobgoblin"

Physical Size

Hefty

Story

Additional Locations

The Mealy Manor

Ancient City

Amnesia Business

Random Events

Pack of Wild Dogs arrives in the mail

Beggar Is being tortured

Corncob Is under a curse

Herd of Chicken Adopts a nearby child

World

Stores

Brody's Wardrobe Unlimited

Murray's Barrel Couture

Fields's Tapestry Chic Chåteau

Bennett's crutch Ventures

Traps

Phantasmal Killer

Reverse Gravity of Purity

Objects

Wardrobe made of heavy metal

Tapestry children's replica

Secret Barrel

Hidden Pike

Pants of Purity

Wand of Wonder

Caster thinks that his head is a parasitic organism

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Richard Murray "Cheap Kidneys" Merchant Candles Rocks
Gracie Fields "Cramped Hands" Mole Slippers Harmonica
Harper Norton Engineer Doors Scarves
Brody Gray Annoyed Books Bells
Luis Bennett Psychiatrist Cooking Lipstick

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).