The Director Welcomes You

The Fish Euphoria Protocol

#57ffde

Location

Overcast, Rainy Bosnia and Herzegovina

Time of Day

23:52

Extraction Point

30 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

4 Hours

Detectives,
It seems "Right Griffin" has gone level 9. They have been broadcasting this message "A vagrant asks for food at the Screaming Waterfall". We need you to eliminate them, Seriously. Their last known location was recorded at 18:00. You have a Mechanical Lighter as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Brandon Allen

Alias

"Right Griffin"

Features

4' 8"

Heterochromia eyes

Small mole / Right thumb

Organization

The Club of Baked Strawberry

Emotions

Irritated

Personality

Seriously Tasteless

Motive

Disrupt the military to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Juan the "Bruised Gnome"

Physical Size

Huge

Story

Additional Locations

The Tasty Manor

Expensive Carousal

Destruction Spring

Random Events

Musical Is being detained

Bunny strikes the ground

Wanderer screams at the top of their lungs

Hound approaches

World

Stores

Blake's Butter Churner Properties

Patterson's Bicycle Little shop

Bates's Diary Specialities

Cobb's Rug Unlimited

Traps

Moving Executioner Statue

Object Smeared with Poison of Euphoria

Objects

Butter Churner that is glowing

Diary children's replica

Secret Bicycle

Hidden Katana

Spoon of Euphoria

Wand of Wonder

Next enemy to wound caster can’t harm him for 1d4 days thereafter

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
John Patterson "Fast Waffles" Merchant Jigsaw Puzzles Deodorant
Eleanor Bates "Chunky Bones" Mole Hamsters Rubber Bands
Thomas Bryant Cosmetologist Squirrels Easter
Blake Vazquez Bruised Children's Stories Oranges
Lydia Cobb Actor Music Stickers

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).