The Director Welcomes You

Poison, Pot, Mimosa, Spy.

#c8a05a

Location

Gloomy, Foggy Vanuatu

Time of Day

14:38

Extraction Point

97 Miles S

Time to Complete

21 Hours

Undercover Emissaries,
We need your help. Agent Ivan Padilla has gone missing and we believe "Cramped Elves" is responsible. They were last seen in Vanuatu at 01:08. The agent sent one final message – "A white horse dashes past at the Grove of Weeping Willows". Take this Sharp Armchair - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Ryker Weaver

Alias

"Cramped Elves"

Features

7' 9"

Heterochromia eyes

Large deep scar / Left thumb

Organization

The Association of Smelly Mimosa

Emotions

Jealous

Personality

Bleakly Eager

Motive

Disrupt the military for fear of the heroes

Bodyguard

Juan the "Itchy Kangaroos"

Physical Size

Petite

Story

Additional Locations

The Important Fortress

Hidden Grove

Instability City

Random Events

Dozen Eggs Integrates silently into the group

Bag of Lemons Is frozen into a block of ice

Renaissance Faire Skips merrily

Pack of Wild Dogs Balances on a ledge

World

Stores

Greyson's Shelf of alcohol Arcade

Jordan's Paperweight Chic Chåteau

Cole's Potted Plant Bureau

Padilla's Shelf of alcohol Market

Traps

Rune of Paralyzation

Built-to-Collapse Wall of Oblivion

Objects

Shelf of alcohol children's replica

Potted Plant that is glowing

Secret Paperweight

Hidden Bracelet

Guthook of Oblivion

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t attack the caster with any weapons containing wood

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Carlos Jordan "Drowsy Livers" Merchant Bread Easter
Isla Cole "Junior Bagels" Mole Chocolate Scarves
Madeline Campos Drunken Robots Notes
Greyson Johnston Art Therapist Chalk Football
Ivan Padilla Drunken Pillows Sticks

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).