The Director Welcomes You

The Poorly Quick Agent

#49f933

Location

Icy, Frigid Ethiopia

Time of Day

14:56

Extraction Point

63 Miles SWW

Time to Complete

36 Hours

Informants,
As you can see you are trapped inside climb a Abandoned Circus . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Cramped Pixie" is responsible and they sent us this message - "The group finds a random cow at the Wizard's Scar". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Colorful Clamp hidden on you.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Cooper Hogan

Alias

"Cramped Pixie"

Features

7' 5"

Brown eyes

Large moles / Right thumb

Organization

The Commission of Tasteless Worm

Emotions

Afraid

Personality

Poorly Bitter

Motive

Disrupt the military out of jealousy

Bodyguard

Harrison the "Uptight Unicorn"

Physical Size

Young

Story

Additional Locations

The Quick Maze

Expensive Lake

Silence City

Random Events

Rhapsody is being loudly arrested

Gallon of Trash strikes the ground

Crow explodes

Pack of Wild Dogs Lunges at the group

World

Stores

Blake's Fruit Bowl Specialities

Terry's Cabinet Consulting

Simon's Window Arcade

Buchanan's Suit of armor Convenience store

Traps

Burning Hands

Rolling Rock of Competency

Objects

Fruit Bowl with a False bottom

Window that is glowing

Secret Cabinet

Hidden Morning Star

Longsword of Competency

Wand of Wonder

Target is sheathed in blood-soaked strips of leather

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Eli Terry "Junior Lox" Merchant Contracts Money
Valeria Simon "Short Dumplings" Mole Chalk Quartz Crystals
Judy McBride Chef Balloons Jazz
Blake Bush Athlete Gym Memberships Cookies
Ivan Buchanan Veteran Candles Toilets

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).