The Director Welcomes You

Sphincter, Science, Ogre, Spy.

#3fe32a

Location

Arid, Rainy Kazakhstan

Time of Day

2:3

Extraction Point

116 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

8 Hours

Shadows,
I have sent you to climb a Compact Isle to look for a suspect by the name "Wild Porpoises". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to rescue our field agent. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "An out of place door appears at the Three Fingers".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Fluffy Bicycle in your kit to help.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Molly Pearson

Alias

"Wild Porpoises"

Features

7' 5"

Brown eyes

Stretch Marks / Left leg

Organization

The Fraternity of Surrogate Ogre

Emotions

Dreading

Personality

Knottily Flaky

Motive

Make a lot of money to lead a mutiny

Bodyguard

Jack the "Loose Pig"

Physical Size

Tall

Story

Additional Locations

The Most Barn Dance

Touristy Lagoon

Demise Jungle

Random Events

Panhandler Skips merrily

Meteor Salutes the adventurers

Diary chase a suspect

Procession Adopts a nearby child

World

Stores

Lauren's Quill and Ink Ventures

Rodgers's Staircase Collective

Harrington's Staircase Discount

Cunningham's Butter Churner Warehouse

Traps

Arrow

Earthquake of Reservation

Objects

Quill and Ink that is glowing

Staircase children's replica

Secret Staircase

Hidden Newspaper

Trident of Reservation

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t voluntarily pass through doorways unless naked

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Amaya Rodgers "Cramped Lemons" Merchant Books Drinking
Marcus Harrington "Orange Churros" Mole Death Sailboats
Daisy Robbins Pharmacist Music Peanut Butter
Lauren Marsh Stressed Hammers Paper
Cole Cunningham Angry Physics Toilets

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).