The Director Welcomes You

The Bed Casualties Protocol

#fa4a49

Location

Dry, Warm Korea, South

Time of Day

15:36

Extraction Point

104 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

38 Hours

Detectives,
It seems "One Gargoyle" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "A white horse dashes past at the witch's mound". We need you to eliminate them, Suspiciously. Their last known location was recorded at 23:08. You have a Clandestine Calculator as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Addison Bishop

Alias

"One Gargoyle"

Features

7' 3"

Green eyes

A second belly button / Left foot

Organization

The Incorporated of Chunky Boyscouts

Emotions

Outraged

Personality

Suspiciously Fluffy

Motive

Take over a country to achieve their destiny

Bodyguard

Harold the "Hissing Succubus"

Physical Size

Full

Story

Additional Locations

The Worn Park

Bustling Carnival

Grave Consequences Carousal

Random Events

VAT of Broth Becomes wounded

Crying Child Protests

Spectator skins a cat with his teeth

Crow Strikes the church bell

World

Stores

Wesley's Bible Atelier

Shelton's Painting Convenience store

Cohen's Shirt Cosmetics

Manning's Vase Group

Traps

Crushing Room

Flooding Room of Casualties

Objects

Bible with a False bottom

Shirt children's replica

Secret Painting

Hidden Sickle

Nipple Clamp of Casualties

Wand of Wonder

Next weapon to wound target heals its wielder by an equal amount

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Greyson Shelton "Cheap Tongues" Merchant Soup Television
Esther Cohen "Tough Scars" Mole Chili Soda
Kevin Caldwell The Body Ice Cubes Television
Wesley Rojas Plumber Cookies Socks
Eloise Manning Architect Paper Drinking

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).