The Director Welcomes You

The Queerly Ugliest Agent

#deefb0

Location

Miserable, Cloudless Oman

Time of Day

0:20

Extraction Point

56 Miles NNW

Time to Complete

26 Hours

Scrutinizers,
We need your help. Agent Ian Flynn has gone missing and we believe "Short gorgon" is responsible. They were last seen in Oman at 04:00. The agent sent one final message – "A traveling merchant appears at the Big Momma". Take this Dull Quilt - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Silas Moody

Alias

"Short gorgon"

Features

7' 1"

Amber eyes

Large deep scar / Right eye

Organization

The Crew of Nice Penis

Emotions

Uncomfortable

Personality

Queerly Heavy

Motive

Take over a government out of greed

Bodyguard

Randy the "Affluent Owl"

Physical Size

Minuscule

Story

Additional Locations

The Ugliest Chateau

Abandoned Citadel

Animosity Lagoon

Random Events

Keg Is hurled at the adventurers

Softball Bounces oddly

Nomad overflows

Cookie approaches

World

Stores

Ximena's Rubber Plant Hole

Aguilar's Statuette Discount

Chapman's Marionette Warehouse

Flynn's Quill and Ink Beauty Stop

Traps

Ray of Sickness

Dropping Ceiling of Fate

Objects

Rubber Plant children's replica

Marionette that has been hollowed out

Secret Statuette

Hidden Coin

Shoe of Fate

Wand of Wonder

Next potion imbibed by caster teleports him to his home

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Eliana Aguilar "King Fingers" Merchant Candles Glitter
Ryan Chapman "All Lungs" Mole Attention Singing
Samuel Castillo Intoxicated Pillows Washing Machines
Ximena Valdez Elder Cousins Sponges
Ian Flynn Hotel Manager Money Physics

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).