The Director Welcomes You

The Mouth Catastrophe Protocol

#4ca00b

Location

Bright, Dull Namibia

Time of Day

24:50

Extraction Point

72 Miles NW

Time to Complete

34 Hours

Shadows,
It seems "Small Hydra" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "A pool of blood at the Top of the carousel wheel". We need you to eliminate them, Upwardly. Their last known location was recorded at 21:14. You have a Polished Sun Lotion as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Savannah Bradley

Alias

"Small Hydra"

Features

4' 9"

Green eyes

Small mole / Left middle finger

Organization

The Bunch of Arid Babies

Emotions

Depressed

Personality

Upwardly Holy

Motive

Take over a country to become rich

Bodyguard

Tim the "Dank Nymph"

Physical Size

Modest

Story

Additional Locations

The Hyper Chateau

Desolate Citadel

Casualties Citadel

Random Events

Building Integrates silently into the group

Milk Shipment explodes

Panhandler Salutes the adventurers

Pickpocket approaches

World

Stores

Adrian's Cabinet Outlet

Mendoza's Stamp Set Hole

Wright's Cabinet Wardrobe

Thompson's Bible International

Traps

Arrow

Black Tentacles of Catastrophe

Objects

Cabinet that is glowing

Cabinet children's replica

Secret Stamp Set

Hidden Newspaper

Bangle of Catastrophe

Wand of Wonder

All within 50 yards can see just fine in normal darkness

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
James Mendoza "Red Legs" Merchant Boxes Television
Miles Wright "Junior Elbows" Mole Singing Television
George Ross Optimistic Trucks Writers
Adrian Reese Journalist Books Jigsaw Puzzles
Madelyn Thompson Tailor Doors Candy

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).