The Director Welcomes You

The Rightfully Clacking Agent

#3105fb

Location

Frigid, Gloomy Korea, North

Time of Day

23:19

Extraction Point

95 Miles SW

Time to Complete

22 Hours

Examiners,
It seems "Meaty Python" has gone level 10. They have been broadcasting this message "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the ruined castle". We need you to eliminate them, Rightfully. Their last known location was recorded at 16:10. You have a Delicate Blender as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Jameson Hopkins

Alias

"Meaty Python"

Features

4' 1"

Heterochromia eyes

Faint curved scar / Left arm

Organization

The Task Force of Stocky Glove

Emotions

Amused

Personality

Rightfully Insolent

Motive

Make a lot of money to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Nicky the "Annoying Leprechaun"

Physical Size

Narrow

Story

Additional Locations

The Clacking Grove

Crowded Lagoon

Animosity Carousal

Random Events

Midwife Calls menacingly

Herd of Chicken Is being detained

Lactose Intolerance is heard screaming

Potato is heard screaming

World

Stores

Autumn's Grandfather Clock Creative

Griffin's Crock Consulting

Miranda's Kitchen table Supermarket

Byrd's Creeping Vines Beauty Stop

Traps

Fireball

Box of Brown Mold of Euthanasia

Objects

Grandfather Clock that has been hollowed out

Kitchen table with a False bottom

Secret Crock

Hidden Lance

Collar of Euthanasia

Wand of Wonder

Target is driven like a thumbtack into the ground up to his neck

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Morgan Griffin "Nice Pretzels" Merchant Music Physics
Allison Miranda "Tough Hot Dogs" Mole Hammers Houses
Emily Berry Judge Soda Acorns
Autumn Beck Plumber Plushies Hamsters
Joshua Byrd Elevator Mechanic Cartography Jazz

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).