The Director Welcomes You

Consulting Royale

#423801

Location

Overcast, Rainy Uganda

Time of Day

17:2

Extraction Point

136 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

26 Hours

Eyeballs,
It seems "One Unicorn" has gone level 6. They have been broadcasting this message "The group finds a random cow at the ruined castle". We need you to eliminate them, Irritably. Their last known location was recorded at 06:13. You have a Slippery Quilt as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Hailey Webster

Alias

"One Unicorn"

Features

5' 2"

Hazel eyes

Stretch Marks / Neck

Organization

The company of Cerulean Pump

Emotions

Restless

Personality

Irritably Hollow

Motive

Disrupt the military for fear of the heroes

Bodyguard

Jimmy the "Elegant Vampires"

Physical Size

Petite

Story

Additional Locations

The Eager Tower

Rundown Maze

Annihilation Palace

Random Events

Rustler is being loudly arrested

Dozen Eggs is loose

Nearby Gas Tank Spontaneously disintegrates

Gallon of Trash strikes the ground

World

Stores

Sebastian's Figurine Consulting

Vargas's Cabinet Logistics

Manning's Chaise Wardrobe

Beck's Sconce Chic Chåteau

Traps

Crushing Room

Acid Arrow of Doom

Objects

Figurine that is glowing

Chaise children's replica

Secret Cabinet

Hidden Collar

Pen of Doom

Wand of Wonder

Next person nearby to draw blood shrinks by 8d10%

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Nathaniel Vargas "Quiet Bones" Merchant Eggs Snowglobes
Anastasia Manning "Golden Waffles" Mole Cartography Drinking
Ruby McCarthy Acupuncturist Candy Bracelets
Sebastian Elliott Art Therapist Hamsters Paper
Roman Beck Physician Music Horses

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).