The Director Welcomes You

The Library Delirium Protocol

#c9aee2

Location

Windy, Arid Czech Republic

Time of Day

0:18

Extraction Point

51 Miles SSW

Time to Complete

41 Hours

Examiners,
I have sent you to be locked inside of a Pitch Black Port to look for a suspect by the name "Yellow Rhinoceroses". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to assassinate the target. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "Distant sounds of screaming at the Ghost Town".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Vicious Blender in your kit to help.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Aubree Dawson

Alias

"Yellow Rhinoceroses"

Features

5' 7"

Blue eyes

Small mole / Left foot

Organization

The Task Force of Dangerous Patsy

Emotions

Powerless

Personality

Fairly Wet

Motive

Take over a country to better Humanity

Bodyguard

Philip the "Green starfish"

Physical Size

Fat

Story

Additional Locations

The Fit Jungle

Bustling Lagoon

Catastrophe Suburbs

Random Events

Safe Spontaneously disintegrates

Wedding Cake Ignites violently

Dozen Eggs Is being detained

Prostitute Is getting confiscated

World

Stores

Everly's Counter Outlet

Patel's Notebook Department store

Dunn's Lounge Chair Properties

Simpson's Counter Convenience store

Traps

Collapsing Column

Rune of Paralyzation of Delirium

Objects

Counter that is glowing

Lounge Chair that is glowing

Secret Notebook

Hidden Katana

Knife of Delirium

Wand of Wonder

Caster goes out of his way to be offensive to royalty

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Quinn Patel "Plump Arms" Merchant Hamsters Teeth
Adaline Dunn "Obese Arms" Mole Books Candles
Eliza Harrington Cosmetologist Clocks Trees
Everly Murray Angry Plushies Physics
Hannah Simpson Drummer Candy Photography

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).