The Director Welcomes You

The Willfully Square Agent

#844b4e

Location

Breezy, Frigid Germany

Time of Day

3:7

Extraction Point

152 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

40 Hours

Operatives,
As you can see you are trapped inside the bottom of a Touristy Isle . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Red Golem" is responsible and they sent us this message - "An out of place door appears at the Broken Face". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Glowing Hot Glue Gun hidden on you.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Bentley Vazquez

Alias

"Red Golem"

Features

6' 7"

Amber eyes

Large moles / Left eye

Organization

The Division of Wailing Memory

Emotions

Afraid

Personality

Willfully Puckish

Motive

Make a lot of money for revenge

Bodyguard

Tiffany the "Childish Elephant"

Physical Size

Minuscule

Story

Additional Locations

The Square Grove

Polluted House

Destruction Fortress

Random Events

Turtle catches on fire

Carcass is loose

Bag of Lemons Bounces oddly

Potato grabs a lady's purse

World

Stores

Justin's Easel Consulting

Hernandez's Bottle Productions

Ortiz's End Table Little shop

Horton's Letter Opener Beauty Stop

Traps

Suspicious door with lock

Scything Blade of Instability

Objects

Easel children's replica

End Table with a False bottom

Secret Bottle

Hidden Sticks

Fork of Instability

Wand of Wonder

Target’s skin is invisible in the presence of undead

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Dawson Hernandez "Orange Boy" Merchant Bread Oranges
Alexis Ortiz "Sharp Throats" Mole Hammers Soup
Lillian Farmer Zestful Soap Video Games
Justin Daniel Paramedic Flashlights Trucks
Daisy Horton Counselor Boxes Slippers

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).