The Director Welcomes You

The Cast Iron Pan Obliteration Protocol

#afbc8a

Location

Calm, Hot Belarus

Time of Day

8:10

Extraction Point

124 Miles W

Time to Complete

25 Hours

Investigators,
It seems "Four Humanoid" has gone level 8. They have been broadcasting this message "A roll of thunder at the Rainbow Mountain". We need you to eliminate them, Justly. Their last known location was recorded at 03:04. You have a Heavy Paint as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Sophie Elliott

Alias

"Four Humanoid"

Features

4' 5"

Heterochromia eyes

Stretch Marks / Right thumb

Organization

The Society of Clean Fried Chicken

Emotions

Eager

Personality

Justly Calm

Motive

Make a lot of money to lead a mutiny

Bodyguard

Tiffany the "Panicky Anteaters"

Physical Size

Bantam

Story

Additional Locations

The Stale Grove

Abandoned Isle

Casualties Spring

Random Events

Fairy Bounces oddly

Vagrant Balances on a ledge

Spice Box emerges

Rhapsody Becomes wounded

World

Stores

Jayden's Bible Beauty Stop

Dennis's Musical instrument Closet

Butler's Window Bazaar

Adkins's Globe Collective

Traps

Hail of Needles

Burning Hands of Obliteration

Objects

Bible made of heavy metal

Window that is glowing

Secret Musical instrument

Hidden Stave

Blades of Obliteration

Wand of Wonder

Next person to whom caster speaks is invisible to him until dawn

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Aubree Dennis "Small Fingers" Merchant Flowers Socks
Joseph Butler "One Stomachs" Mole Glitter Lions
Liliana Norris Waiter Bracelets Sharp Things
Jayden Flores Electrician Books Mirrors
Alexandra Adkins Psychiatrist Fire Glass

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).