The Director Welcomes You

Operation — Bloody Map

#e94057

Location

Frigid, Calm Bhutan

Time of Day

14:3

Extraction Point

144 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

44 Hours

Scrutinizers,
It seems "Orange Python" has gone level 5. They have been broadcasting this message "The group finds a random cow at the Top of the carousel wheel". We need you to eliminate them, Really. Their last known location was recorded at 15:21. You have a Light Coin as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

John Adams

Alias

"Orange Python"

Features

6' 7"

Heterochromia eyes

Faint curved scar / Right middle finger

Organization

The Sisterhood of Cheap Beggar

Emotions

Pleased

Personality

Really Nervous

Motive

Make a lot of money fueled by conspiracy

Bodyguard

Emily the "Common Rhinoceroses"

Physical Size

Small-scale

Story

Additional Locations

The Bloody Suburbs

Underground Sanctuary

Contentment Business

Random Events

Toilet Skips merrily

Turtle Is being kidnapped

Cat Lunges at the group

Storm Ignites violently

World

Stores

Eliana's Ring Warehouse

Perez's Taxidermy animal Du jour

Miles's Toolbox Outlet

Gomez's Mantle Du jour

Traps

Reverse Gravity

Flooding Room of Fire

Objects

Ring that is glowing

Toolbox made of heavy metal

Secret Taxidermy animal

Hidden Bracelet

Camera of Fire

Wand of Wonder

Before each spell, caster must shed at least 1d4 tears

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Anthony Perez "Three Hands" Merchant Sharks Rabbits
Grant Miles "Fast Parmigianas" Mole Rocks Writers
Matteo Powell Physician Deodorant Ice Cubes
Eliana Hawkins Soul Sponges Notes
Layla Gomez Artist Trees Singing

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).