The Director Welcomes You

Who is Harold Cheese?

#07899f

Location

Dark, Dark East Timor

Time of Day

4:0

Extraction Point

3 Miles SWW

Time to Complete

47 Hours

Ambassadors,
It seems "Stiff Bull" has gone level 10. They have been broadcasting this message "Clouds develop quickly at the old bridge". We need you to eliminate them, Kindheartedly. Their last known location was recorded at 04:13. You have a Robotic Brush as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Oscar Robbins

Alias

"Stiff Bull"

Features

6' 4"

Heterochromia eyes

Stretch Marks / Left thumb

Organization

The Board of Gorgeous Easel

Emotions

Hostile

Personality

Kindheartedly Screeching

Motive

Disrupt the military out of survival

Bodyguard

Harold the "Tender Mongoose"

Physical Size

Miniature

Story

Additional Locations

The Clever House

Deserted Festival

Demise Shelter

Random Events

Pickpocket strikes the ground

Midwife skins a cat with his teeth

Keg Bounces oddly

Cookie is loose

World

Stores

Morgan's Oil Lamp Worldwide

Wolfe's Goblet Little shop

Arnold's Vase Collective

Glover's Cabinet Technologies

Traps

Fire

Earthquake of Destruction

Objects

Oil Lamp that has been hollowed out

Vase with a False bottom

Secret Goblet

Hidden Rapier

Hammers of Destruction

Wand of Wonder

For one year, flashing lights accompany spells cast in this area

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Piper Wolfe "Two Bones" Merchant Socks Sailboats
Avery Arnold "No Eyes" Mole Honey Balloons
Eloise Meyer Depressed Broccoli Butterflies
Morgan Nunez Meteorologist Squirrels Scarves
Tucker Glover Plumber Death Boxes

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).