The Director Welcomes You

The Leash Catastrophe Protocol

#ae6ae2

Location

Dark, Frigid Guinea

Time of Day

3:14

Extraction Point

67 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

40 Hours

Eyeballs,
We need your help. Agent Paisley Gomez has gone missing and we believe "Five Spirit" is responsible. They were last seen in Guinea at 12:23. The agent sent one final message – "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Broken Face". Take this Angry Bible - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Josiah Baker

Alias

"Five Spirit"

Features

4' 3"

Heterochromia eyes

A second belly button / Left leg

Organization

The Company of Damp Faucet

Emotions

Neglected

Personality

Triumphantly Drab

Motive

Take over a country to escape their destiny

Bodyguard

Harrison the "Clever Elephant"

Physical Size

Tremendous

Story

Additional Locations

The Baked Tower

Archaic Jungle

Competency Pond

Random Events

Midwife gathers near a point of interest

Panhandler Evades the law

Water Vessel Is hurled at the adventurers

Dozen Eggs Attempts to rob a bank

World

Stores

Abel's Satchel Beauty Stop

Ferguson's Mantle Supermarket

Gross's Rubber Plant Group

Gomez's Shelf of alcohol Beauty Stop

Traps

Ceiling Pendulum

Fireball of Catastrophe

Objects

Satchel with a False bottom

Rubber Plant that has been hollowed out

Secret Mantle

Hidden Spear

Mace of Catastrophe

Wand of Wonder

Caster’s Armor Class is improved by 1d4 until dawn

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Kayla Ferguson "Heavy Legs" Merchant Clocks Tissues
Arianna Gross "Fat Tongues" Mole Chalk Peanut Butter
Madeline Ross Master Distiller Paperclips Horses
Abel Anderson Artist Jazz Coffee
Paisley Gomez Farmer Contracts Dice

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).