The Director Welcomes You

Who is James Cabbage?

#480675

Location

Foul, Humid Peru

Time of Day

17:18

Extraction Point

15 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

36 Hours

Undercover Emissaries,
I have sent you to within a Expensive Carousal to look for a suspect by the name "Slow Giraffe". This mission is clandestine. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to disable the bomb. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The group finds a dollar on the ground at the witch's mound".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Slippery Quilt in your kit to help.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Morgan Harper

Alias

"Slow Giraffe"

Features

4' 1"

Gray eyes

Stretch Marks / Left eye

Organization

The Department of Tiring Week

Emotions

Nervous

Personality

Yearly Damaged

Motive

Make a lot of money to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

James the "Tragic Siren"

Physical Size

Little

Story

Additional Locations

The Clacking Chateau

Crowded Park

Weakness Pond

Random Events

Bellhop arrives in the mail

Corncob strikes the ground

Bag of Flour Is throwing a protest

Cauldron meets disaster

World

Stores

Avery's Chair Warehouse

Silva's Iron stove Ventures

Ramsey's Rubber Plant Atelier

Bell's Trunk Couture

Traps

Phantasmal Killer

Dropping Ceiling of Well-being

Objects

Chair made of heavy metal

Rubber Plant that has been hollowed out

Secret Iron stove

Hidden Lance

Camera of Well-being

Wand of Wonder

Target’s speech is intelligible to anyone, regardless of language

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Julianna Silva "Slow Lungs" Merchant Balloons Lions
Evelyn Ramsey "Violet Fingers" Mole Deodorant Sun Glasses
Cooper Bush Lawyer Essential Oils Batteries
Avery Reese Hairdresser Chili Honey
Matthew Bell Soul Lipstick Water

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).