The Director Welcomes You

Properties Royale

#519531

Location

Gorgeous, Miserable Finland

Time of Day

13:16

Extraction Point

170 Miles S

Time to Complete

2 Hours

Silent Negotiators,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Pair of Statues made of heavy metal. Get to Finland at 12:09

Good Luck.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Kinsley Kim

Alias

"Yellow Ogre"

Features

4' 4"

Hazel eyes

A second belly button / Right middle finger

Organization

The Council of Witty Doghouse

Emotions

Alarmed

Personality

Questioningly Moist

Motive

Disrupt the military to lust for power

Bodyguard

Jimmy the "Diligent Normal Guy"

Physical Size

Full-grown

Story

Additional Locations

The Raspy Acropolis

Touristy Arcade

Amnesia Crypt

Random Events

Pack of Wild Dogs Is under a curse

Druid Is throwing a BBQ

Storm is being loudly arrested

Alligator Glistens gently

World

Stores

Josiah's Pair of Statues Properties

Pope's Rubber Plant Bazaar

Greene's Watch Boutique

Griffin's Iron stove Atelier

Traps

Blade Barrier

Ray of Sickness of Reservation

Objects

Pair of Statues made of heavy metal

Watch with a False bottom

Secret Rubber Plant

Hidden Notebook

Club of Reservation

Wand of Wonder

When caster next enters his home, it becomes steamy like a sauna

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ryder Pope "Mad Stomachs" Merchant Money Rubber Bands
Miles Greene "Tough Lungs" Mole Batteries Money
Dawson Flynn Artist Limes Hamsters
Josiah Wells Veteran Paper Toilets
Lyla Griffin Counselor Peanut Butter Honey

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).