The Director Welcomes You

The Erection Freshness Incident

#87451e

Location

Windless, Humid Turkmenistan

Time of Day

17:44

Extraction Point

173 Miles N

Time to Complete

32 Hours

Meddlers,
I have sent you to be locked inside of a Compact Mansion to look for a suspect by the name "Heavy Imp". This mission is clandestine. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to disable the bomb. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A lone flower growing at the Wizard's Scar".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Beautiful Banana in your kit to help.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Leah Medina

Alias

"Heavy Imp"

Features

5' 1"

Hazel eyes

Stretch Marks / Right foot

Organization

The Alliance of Unsightly Society

Emotions

Neglected

Personality

Carelessly Substantial

Motive

Disrupt the military for honor

Bodyguard

Nicky the "Hyper Beast"

Physical Size

Full-grown

Story

Additional Locations

The Smelly Jungle

Touristy Park

Oblivion Peninsula

Random Events

Alligator Catches leprosy

Safe is loose

Diary drops from the sky

Ninja Is throwing a protest

World

Stores

Joshua's Globe Beauty Stop

Mullins's Wardrobe Market

Goodwin's Basket Industries

Pierce's Loveseat Productions

Traps

Earthquake

Incendiary Cloud of Freshness

Objects

Globe with a False bottom

Basket children's replica

Secret Wardrobe

Hidden Spear

Bangle of Freshness

Wand of Wonder

Tomorrow, caster saves the life of a notorious villain

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Arya Mullins "King Hearts" Merchant Water Drinking
Maxwell Goodwin "Golden Cappuccinos" Mole Soccer Peanut Butter
Benjamin Palmer Physician Singing Water
Joshua Harris Architect Honey Sponges
Brody Pierce Railroad Conductor Chili Television

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).