The Director Welcomes You

The Catamaran Expiration Incident

#3f97d8

Location

Windy, Humid Lebanon

Time of Day

21:20

Extraction Point

65 Miles W

Time to Complete

31 Hours

Scrutinizers,
As you can see you are trapped inside the inside of a Abandoned Citadel . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Heavy Gargoyle" is responsible and they sent us this message - "The group finds a dead fish at the Where grass will not grow". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Sharp Towel hidden on you.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Carson Gallagher

Alias

"Heavy Gargoyle"

Features

6' 3"

Hazel eyes

Small mole / Left hand

Organization

The Task Force of Red Sponge

Emotions

Indifferent

Personality

Wonderfully Loose

Motive

Disrupt the military to become rich

Bodyguard

Terry the "Angry Demon"

Physical Size

Miniature

Story

Additional Locations

The Incalculable Crypt

Pitch Black Creek

Pleasure Suburbs

Random Events

Whore Ignites violently

Feminist Is being detained

Safe Ignites violently

Gallon of Trash chase a suspect

World

Stores

Malachi's Flowers Growing Warehouse

Morris's Wingback chair Convenience store

Ortega's Mounted Animal Labs

Ortega's Trunk Consulting

Traps

Suspicious door with lock

Dropping Ceiling of Expiration

Objects

Flowers Growing made of heavy metal

Mounted Animal with a False bottom

Secret Wingback chair

Hidden Stave

Stave of Expiration

Wand of Wonder

When caster next enters a town, the king orders it destroyed

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Madeline Morris "Golden Lox" Merchant Plushies Sharks
Owen Ortega "Nice Throats" Mole Water Ice Cubes
Hazel McKinney Optimistic Sharp Things Candles
Malachi Conner Flirty Dice Fire
Alexa Ortega Firefighter Sticky Notes Water

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).