The Director Welcomes You

The Wearily Shitty Agent

#7793af

Location

Dry, Sunny Uzbekistan

Time of Day

10:51

Extraction Point

150 Miles SW

Time to Complete

48 Hours

Sleuths,
It seems "Two Goblins" has gone level 9. They have been broadcasting this message "A thick fog rolls in at the Painted Sands". We need you to eliminate them, Wearily. Their last known location was recorded at 10:01. You have a Vicious Mirror as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

August Fernandez

Alias

"Two Goblins"

Features

6' 9"

Heterochromia eyes

A second belly button / Left arm

Organization

The Alliance of Prehistoric Cough

Emotions

Jealous

Personality

Wearily Arid

Motive

Take over a country for sibling rivalry

Bodyguard

Hal the "Boned Goblins"

Physical Size

Adult

Story

Additional Locations

The Shitty Maze

Deserted Isle

Calamity Carnival

Random Events

Baker Is under a curse

German Trench Club drops from the sky

Store screams at the top of their lungs

Corncob Calls menacingly

World

Stores

Hailey's Counter Factory

Hart's Key Wardrobe

Carrillo's Shelf of alcohol Outlet

Martin's Trinket International

Traps

Chain Lightning

Moving Executioner Statue of Darkness

Objects

Counter children's replica

Shelf of alcohol that is glowing

Secret Key

Hidden Longsword

Sword of Darkness

Wand of Wonder

If caster is wearing a magic ring, he grows suspicious of Elves

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Emma Hart "Short Pastrami's" Merchant Flashlights Writers
Victor Carrillo "Stiff Feet" Mole Sticky Notes Rock n' Roll
Malachi Wong Accountant Lipstick Rocks
Hailey Gomez Cheerful Lions Candy
Luke Martin Firefighter Squirrels Squirrels

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).