The Director Welcomes You

The Freezing Erection Pursuit

#9e10d6

Location

Chilly, Sunny Haiti

Time of Day

11:16

Extraction Point

151 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

28 Hours

Ambassadors,
I have sent you to climb a Compact Park to look for a suspect by the name "Slow Sea Lion". This mission is anti-surveillance. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to disable the bomb. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A black cat runs past at the Turtle Rock".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Explosive Toy in your kit to help.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Caleb White

Alias

"Slow Sea Lion"

Features

7' 2"

Green eyes

Large moles / Right middle finger

Organization

The Crew of Cuddly Glove

Emotions

Nervous

Personality

Diligently Hungry

Motive

Disrupt the military out of jealousy

Bodyguard

John the "Progressive Hydra"

Physical Size

Fat

Story

Additional Locations

The Freezing Spring

Polluted Circus

Mania Fortress

Random Events

Soup Bursts loudly

Musical Spontaneously disintegrates

Cookie Gets their hand chopped off

Odor Evades the law

World

Stores

John's Notebook Bazaar

Burton's Sink International

Robertson's Bell Properties

Tate's Bicycle Factory

Traps

Acid Arrow

Fusillade of Darts of Happiness

Objects

Notebook children's replica

Bell children's replica

Secret Sink

Hidden Sickle

Gauntlet of Happiness

Wand of Wonder

Target’s hands try to grab his ankles while he’s walking

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
George Burton "Left Kidneys" Merchant Hammers Slippers
Kingston Robertson "White Lemons" Mole Harmonica Sticks
Zoey Wright Bounty hunter Sticky Notes Sponges
John Tate The Body Flowers Glass
Hayden Tate Secretary Ice Cubes Children's Stories

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).