The Director Welcomes You

Who is John Postoffice?

#d6b773

Location

Bright, Sunny Poland

Time of Day

8:30

Extraction Point

144 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

14 Hours

Sleuths,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Cabinet that has been hollowed out. Get to Poland at 05:18

Good Luck.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Nolan Freeman

Alias

"Violet Mongoose"

Features

5' 6"

Gray eyes

Faint curved scar / Left leg

Organization

The Department of Scarce Boots

Emotions

Depressed

Personality

Surprisingly Many

Motive

Take over a government to save humanity

Bodyguard

John the "Deep Cyclops"

Physical Size

Vast

Story

Additional Locations

The Substantial Business

Overpopulated Business

Fragility Shelter

Random Events

Vegetable runs over an infant

Swarm of Bees is robbed

Renaissance Faire Is hurled at the adventurers

VAT of Broth Is being tortured

World

Stores

Kennedy's Cabinet Boutique

Haynes's Tea Set Group

Vega's Candelabra Little shop

Schultz's Quill and Ink Worldwide

Traps

Fire

Camouflaged Pit of Weakness

Objects

Cabinet that has been hollowed out

Candelabra that is glowing

Secret Tea Set

Hidden Sword

Whip of Weakness

Wand of Wonder

All blades within 50 yards are 10% likely to turn to gold

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ximena Haynes "Heavy Pinky's" Merchant Singing Technology
Bennett Vega "Small Dumplings" Mole Lipstick Whipped Cream
Ava Parks Envious Teeth Oranges
Kennedy May Tailor Books Rubber Stamps
Amaya Schultz Hotel Manager Lamps Basketball

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).