The Director Welcomes You

Who is Emily Giraffe?

#80ae1b

Location

Mild, Foggy Peru

Time of Day

1:34

Extraction Point

37 Miles W

Time to Complete

35 Hours

Meddlers,
As you can see you are trapped inside fly above a Bustling Circus . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Slow Pheonix" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Distant sounds of screaming at the dry riverbed". Your mission was clandestine, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Invisible Clamp hidden on you.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Bailey Peters

Alias

"Slow Pheonix"

Features

7' 5"

Gray eyes

Large deep scar / Left foot

Organization

The Authority of Whispering Penis

Emotions

Exhausted

Personality

Solemnly Modern

Motive

Take over a government because of grief and loss

Bodyguard

Emily the "Bitter Bat"

Physical Size

Substantial

Story

Additional Locations

The Panicky Festival

Crowded Tower

Extermination Park

Random Events

Nomad gathers near a point of interest

Bag of Lemons Adopts a nearby child

Safe Is hurled at the adventurers

Alligator catches on fire

World

Stores

Nolan's Letter Opener Hole

Lane's Basket Discount

Schultz's Cutting board Consulting

Gray's Pocket watch Atelier

Traps

Earthquake

Tripping Chain of Endownment

Objects

Letter Opener that is glowing

Cutting board with a False bottom

Secret Basket

Hidden Spoon

Trident of Endownment

Wand of Wonder

Target asserts that he can place powerful curses on people

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Robert Lane "Yellow Lox" Merchant Sponges Trees
Hunter Schultz "Chunky Lox" Mole Boxes Jazz
Ayden Cunningham Shadow Balloons Potatoes
Nolan Hines Scientist Football Jazz
Aubree Gray Waiter Chili Gym Memberships

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).