The Director Welcomes You

The Furniture Stealth Incident

#a22b03

Location

Dry, Sunny Hungary

Time of Day

17:19

Extraction Point

22 Miles N

Time to Complete

47 Hours

Operatives,
It seems "Obese Anteaters" has gone level 3. They have been broadcasting this message "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the dancing-trees". We need you to eliminate them, Offensively. Their last known location was recorded at 14:18. You have a Sharp Lamp as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Liliana Jennings

Alias

"Obese Anteaters"

Features

4' 1"

Blue eyes

Faint curved scar / Right middle finger

Organization

The Sorority of Boiling Thanks

Emotions

Dreading

Personality

Offensively Massive

Motive

Make a lot of money to control the Children

Bodyguard

Johnny the "Girthy giant"

Physical Size

Soaring

Story

Additional Locations

The Quick Arcade

Bustling Grove

Obliteration House

Random Events

Carcass is loose

Carcass Calls menacingly

Baker Finds gold in the water

Reindeer Is accused by the law

World

Stores

Molly's Tea Set Worldwide

Thompson's Wardrobe Hole

Sutton's Bell Group

Ford's Bell Bureau

Traps

Poison Wall Spikes

Reverse Gravity of Stealth

Objects

Tea Set made of heavy metal

Bell that is glowing

Secret Wardrobe

Hidden File

Handcuffs of Stealth

Wand of Wonder

Thousands of teeth rain down from the sky

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Leo Thompson "Four Cheesecakes" Merchant Gym Memberships Candles
Silas Sutton "One Pastrami's" Mole Ice Cubes Teeth
Noah Rojas Cosmetologist Toilets Death
Molly Rios Farmer Clocks Doors
Norah Ford Cosmetologist Whipped Cream Rabbits

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).