The Director Welcomes You

The Can Virtue Protocol

#43f7b0

Location

Wet, Gloomy Malawi

Time of Day

12:22

Extraction Point

97 Miles NE

Time to Complete

31 Hours

Agents,
As you can see you are trapped inside approach a Rundown Spring . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Stiff Sphinx" is responsible and they sent us this message - "The group finds a dollar on the ground at the Stone Circle". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Beautiful Condom hidden on you.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Adalyn Doyle

Alias

"Stiff Sphinx"

Features

7' 7"

Blue eyes

Faint curved scar / Left arm

Organization

The Association of Faint Ring

Emotions

Frustrated

Personality

Eventually Clumsy

Motive

Make a lot of money to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

John the "Obnoxious Opossums"

Physical Size

Massive

Story

Additional Locations

The Pre-Pubescent Acropolis

Desolate Circus

Ice Barn Dance

Random Events

Spice Box Skips merrily

Bum Is hurled at the adventurers

Deadbeat catches on fire

Bellhop Catches leprosy

World

Stores

Laila's Pocket watch Bazaar

Burton's File Ventures

Hartman's Cabinet Du jour

Fernandez's Portrait Solutions

Traps

Acid Fog

Bricks from Ceiling of Virtue

Objects

Pocket watch children's replica

Cabinet children's replica

Secret File

Hidden Katana

Sticks of Virtue

Wand of Wonder

Any shield held by caster appears to weigh 100 pounds

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Maverick Burton "Five Noses" Merchant Children's Stories Soccer
Lauren Hartman "Five Falafels" Mole Writers Cooking
Josephine Tyler Musician Jazz Rocks
Laila Stevens Animator Hamsters Doves
Aubree Fernandez Graphic Designer Rocks Bracelets

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).