The Director Welcomes You

The Tattoo Extermination Incident

#9250c0

Location

Humid, Arid Eritrea

Time of Day

16:25

Extraction Point

35 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

4 Hours

Meddlers,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Pipe with a False bottom. Get to Eritrea at 15:00

Good Luck.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Joel Hodges

Alias

"Chunky Bigfoot"

Features

4' 7"

Amber eyes

A second belly button / Crotch

Organization

The Incorporated of Alive Fly

Emotions

Guilty

Personality

Generously Pre-Pubescent

Motive

Disrupt the military for scientific discovery

Bodyguard

Jack the "Happy Bear"

Physical Size

Big

Story

Additional Locations

The Tangy Pond

Overpopulated Suburbs

Disaster Park

Random Events

Gallon of Trash Gets their hand chopped off

Demon Is getting confiscated

Swarm of Bees arrives in the mail

Hound Gets their hand chopped off

World

Stores

Dawson's Pipe Atelier

Adkins's Stamp Set Industries

Harrington's Music Box Market

Newman's Flowers Growing Logistics

Traps

Tripping Chain

Ray of Sickness of Extermination

Objects

Pipe with a False bottom

Music Box with a False bottom

Secret Stamp Set

Hidden Sling

Blindfold of Extermination

Wand of Wonder

Target becomes wildly drunk when he’s next hit by a weapon 5185 Target befouls any food or water that he and his allies now carry

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ivy Adkins "Black Thumbs" Merchant Flowers Trucks
Eden Harrington "Junior Cheesecakes" Mole Chili Death
Harmony Doyle Indifferent Clocks Cooking
Dawson Kennedy Blacksmith Dice Deodorant
Richard Newman Veterinarian Physics Snowglobes

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).