The Director Welcomes You

The Eager Slime Crisis

#97aaf3

Location

Windy, Mild Colombia

Time of Day

15:34

Extraction Point

138 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

46 Hours

Detectives,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Hat with a False bottom. Get to Colombia at 18:08

Good Luck.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Penelope Olson

Alias

"Five Meerkat"

Features

7' 1"

Gray eyes

Small mole / Crotch

Organization

The Bureau of Creamy Toes

Emotions

Ambivalent

Personality

Freely Meaty

Motive

Take over a government to lust for power

Bodyguard

Oscar the "Angry Cockatrice"

Physical Size

Considerable

Story

Additional Locations

The Eager Business

Polluted Suburbs

Pleasure Forest

Random Events

Drunk Finds gold in the water

Potato Is being tortured

Reindeer Is accused by the law

Deadbeat Finds gold in the water

World

Stores

Delilah's Hat Labs

Walters's Grandfather Clock Du jour

Benson's Basket Industries

Stephens's Hatrack Factory

Traps

Object Smeared with Poison

Poison Needle of Secrecy

Objects

Hat with a False bottom

Basket that has been hollowed out

Secret Grandfather Clock

Hidden Spikes

Throwing Dart of Secrecy

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t be harmed by magical fire while brandishing a weapon

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Mya Walters "Violet Hearts" Merchant Basketball Houses
Jesse Benson "Golden Elbows" Mole Washing Machines Cousins
Antonio Williams Broker Hamsters Doves
Delilah Henderson Vision Sun Glasses Batteries
Amir Stephens Stressed Boxes Sun Glasses

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).