The Director Welcomes You

The Pitiful Rum Question

#cbfb1a

Location

Cloudless, Miserable Nicaragua

Time of Day

19:23

Extraction Point

7 Miles SSW

Time to Complete

3 Hours

Undercover Emissaries,
As you can see you are trapped inside the bottom of a Pitch Black Grove . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Three Pixie" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Distant sounds of screaming at the Painted Sands". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Feminine Ashtray hidden on you.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Bryson Wright

Alias

"Three Pixie"

Features

5' 2"

Amber eyes

A second belly button / Neck

Organization

The Order of Hissing Hell

Emotions

Uncomfortable

Personality

Briskly Slatted

Motive

Disrupt the military to become famous

Bodyguard

David the "Quick Elves"

Physical Size

Toy

Story

Additional Locations

The Pitiful Port

Underground Masquerade

Fire Tower

Random Events

Donkey Spontaneously disintegrates

Vagrant overflows

Dracula overflows

Dead Animal explodes

World

Stores

Harrison's Bottle Department store

Parks's Mural Technologies

Stewart's Chaise Atelier

Juarez's Tea Pot Worldwide

Traps

Flame Strike

Rolling Rock of Bliss

Objects

Bottle with a False bottom

Chaise with a False bottom

Secret Mural

Hidden Scimitar

Rock of Bliss

Wand of Wonder

Any alcoholic beverages within 50 yards turn to mercury

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Jack Parks "Green Elbows" Merchant Fire Books
Sebastian Stewart "Blue Bagels" Mole Toilets Cousins
Miguel Schultz Dog surfing instructor Rubber Stamps Death
Harrison Nunez Actor Eggs Trucks
David Juarez Teacher Video Games Syrup

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).