The Director Welcomes You

The Intensely Filthy Agent

#09e6ca

Location

Hot, Foggy Vanuatu

Time of Day

17:7

Extraction Point

65 Miles SW

Time to Complete

10 Hours

Scrutinizers,
It seems "Golden Seal" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "Clouds develop quickly at the Painted Sands". We need you to eliminate them, Intensely. Their last known location was recorded at 05:05. You have a Polished Brush as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tape recorder you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Isaiah Johnston

Alias

"Golden Seal"

Features

6' 9"

Gray eyes

Faint curved scar / Right thumb

Organization

The Society of Defeated Pie

Emotions

Satisfied

Personality

Intensely Noxious

Motive

Make a lot of money to achieve their destiny

Bodyguard

Randy the "Robust Worm"

Physical Size

Full-grown

Story

Additional Locations

The Filthy Park

Deserted Castle

Catastrophe Fortress

Random Events

Demon Skips merrily

Nearby Gas Tank Adopts a nearby child

Chunk of Beef Is getting confiscated

Box of Cigarette Is getting confiscated

World

Stores

Nova's Stairwell Specialities

Carlson's Brass Replica Closet

Tucker's Stool Cosmetics

White's Hanging Birdcage Industries

Traps

Phantasmal Killer

Poison Dart of Censorship

Objects

Stairwell that is glowing

Stool with a False bottom

Secret Brass Replica

Hidden Boomerang

Sabre of Censorship

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t be surprised while at full hit points

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Eliana Carlson "Dull Dumplings" Merchant Cats Candles
Penelope Tucker "No Lox" Mole Hammers Rock n' Roll
Rachel White Tailor Children's Stories Sticky Notes
Nova Richards Weakened Essential Oils Chocolate
Valeria White Headhunter Jazz Attention

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).