The Director Welcomes You

The Healthily Noxious Agent

#2a6c9b

Location

Rainy, Foggy Micronesia, Federated States of

Time of Day

19:32

Extraction Point

118 Miles SE

Time to Complete

21 Hours

Spy Deputies,
I have sent you to circle a Crowded Island to look for a suspect by the name "Dull Vampires". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to rescue our field agent. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A thick fog rolls in at the witch's mound".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Sharp Can Opener in your kit to help.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Carlos Baldwin

Alias

"Dull Vampires"

Features

5' 6"

Amber eyes

Small mole / Right foot

Organization

The Unit of Mealy Toothbrush

Emotions

Attraction

Personality

Healthily Large

Motive

Take over a country to be left alone

Bodyguard

Nancy the "Quick Vampires"

Physical Size

Tremendous

Story

Additional Locations

The Noxious Park

Rundown Shelter

Annihilation Villa

Random Events

Crying Child skins a cat with his teeth

Spice Box emerges

Potato Crashes slowly

Demon emerges

World

Stores

Tristan's Crock Closet

Castro's Candle Creative

Pierce's Ring Supermarket

Love's Landscape Little shop

Traps

Hail of Needles

Fusillade of Darts of Stealth

Objects

Crock with a False bottom

Ring that has been hollowed out

Secret Candle

Hidden Trident

Hammers of Stealth

Wand of Wonder

All within 50 yards are sprayed with skunk musk

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Cole Castro "Casual Legs" Merchant Cellphones Whipped Cream
Hayden Pierce "White Cheesecakes" Mole Books Tea
Annabelle Willis Weakened Rubber Bands Oranges
Tristan Armstrong Drunken Writers Cooking
Brantley Love Technician Robots Oranges

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).