The Director Welcomes You

Consulting Royale

#2bb334

Location

Dull, Warm Mexico

Time of Day

16:35

Extraction Point

19 Miles SSW

Time to Complete

44 Hours

Informants,
It seems "Mad Golem" has gone level 2. They have been broadcasting this message "A traveling merchant appears at the Hollow oak tree". We need you to eliminate them, Enormously. Their last known location was recorded at 16:01. You have a Clean Barstool as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tinder Date you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Matteo Benson

Alias

"Mad Golem"

Features

7' 5"

Amber eyes

Small mole / Left thumb

Organization

The Order of Clacking Uncle

Emotions

Eager

Personality

Enormously Microscopic

Motive

Take over a country for revenge

Bodyguard

Crystal the "Oafish Wraith"

Physical Size

Sizable

Story

Additional Locations

The Mossy Lodge

Desolate Circus

Violence Forge

Random Events

Drunk Spontaneously disintegrates

Nearby Gas Tank Catches leprosy

Leopard Becomes wounded

Vagrant Adopts a nearby child

World

Stores

Hannah's Coat of Arms Consulting

Howard's Easel Warehouse

Patel's Skeletal Animal Du jour

Byrd's Candelabra Atelier

Traps

Extended Bane

Phantasmal Killer of Sanitation

Objects

Coat of Arms children's replica

Skeletal Animal children's replica

Secret Easel

Hidden Chastity Belt

Bangle of Sanitation

Wand of Wonder

Caster’s hands can’t come within 12 inches of his face 2065 Caster’s hands detach the next time he puts them in his pockets

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Serenity Howard "Green Stomachs" Merchant Death Cooking
Maria Patel "Cramped Tongues" Mole Soccer Glass
Elias Williamson Scientist Octopus Soccer
Hannah Love Hotel Manager Flashlights Bread
Mariah Byrd Cheerful Dolphins Broccoli

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).