The Director Welcomes You

The Secretary Power Protocol

#3acd12

Location

Foul, Frigid Paraguay

Time of Day

9:1

Extraction Point

98 Miles W

Time to Complete

45 Hours

Agents,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Cutting board with a False bottom. Get to Paraguay at 23:10

Good Luck.

— The Tablet of Stone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Camden Hawkins

Alias

"Two Dwarf"

Features

6' 7"

Gray eyes

A second belly button / Left leg

Organization

The Sisterhood of Recessive Strawberry

Emotions

Hurt

Personality

Knowingly Wide

Motive

Take over a country to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Billy the "Heavy Normal Guy"

Physical Size

Young

Story

Additional Locations

The Ripe Shelter

Bustling Masquerade

Happiness Carousal

Random Events

Meteor gathers near a point of interest

Meteor Is throwing a protest

Potato Is being tortured

Donkey Is throwing a BBQ

World

Stores

Aliyah's Cutting board Wardrobe

Francis's Stairwell Bazaar

Schmidt's Trophy Unlimited

Powers's Bell Brothers

Traps

Phantasmal Killer

Razor-Wire across Hallway of Power

Objects

Cutting board with a False bottom

Trophy that has been hollowed out

Secret Stairwell

Hidden Banana

Bow of Power

Wand of Wonder

All within 50 yards are immune to disease for 1d6 months

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ryder Francis "Bullet Pastrami's" Merchant Soup Hamsters
Clara Schmidt "Little Toes" Mole Sailboats Bracelets
Julian West Veterinarian Flashlights Doves
Aliyah Hansen Weakened Rubber Stamps Cousins
Emily Powers Stressed Houses Robots

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).