The Director Welcomes You

The Fish Fatality Protocol

#c80845

Location

Calm, Humid Slovenia

Time of Day

18:45

Extraction Point

28 Miles N

Time to Complete

37 Hours

Investigators,
It seems "Obese Opossums" has gone level 4. They have been broadcasting this message "A vagrant asks for money at the Tempest". We need you to eliminate them, Owlishly. Their last known location was recorded at 24:16. You have a Clean Spoon as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Morris Bradley

Alias

"Obese Opossums"

Features

4' 10"

Heterochromia eyes

Large moles / Right thumb

Organization

The Guild of Surly Basement

Emotions

Infatuated

Personality

Owlishly Mango

Motive

Disrupt the military for pure destruction

Bodyguard

James the "Damp Basilisk"

Physical Size

Short

Story

Additional Locations

The Cooling Chateau

Touristy Manor

Death Forge

Random Events

Herd of Chicken Is throwing a protest

Druid Lunges at the group

Mutant Is being detained

Beggar Is accused by the law

World

Stores

Kayden's Loveseat Unlimited

Freeman's Mounted Animal Logistics

McDaniel's Tea Pot Department store

Simpson's Basket Productions

Traps

Ray of Sickness

Chain Lightning of Fatality

Objects

Loveseat that is glowing

Tea Pot that is glowing

Secret Mounted Animal

Hidden Staff

Sickle of Fatality

Wand of Wonder

When caster next says his name, his mouth is sealed shut

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Alex Freeman "Indigo Dumplings" Merchant Money Squirrels
Claire McDaniel "Obese Noses" Mole Baseball Slippers
Sophia Mills Soul Cats Eggs
Kayden Lucas Exhausted Lions Baseball
Lorenzo Simpson Shadow Bells Dinosaurs

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).