The Director Welcomes You

The Quality Dark Protocol

#079fce

Location

Gloomy, Foggy Pakistan

Time of Day

17:25

Extraction Point

174 Miles SSW

Time to Complete

19 Hours

Agents,
We need your help. Agent Zoe Alexander has gone missing and we believe "Sharp Pig" is responsible. They were last seen in Pakistan at 22:03. The agent sent one final message – "A mysterious key is found on the ground at the Rainbow Mountain". Take this Vicious Barstool - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Jackson Figueroa

Alias

"Sharp Pig"

Features

5' 9"

Red eyes

Faint curved scar / Right arm

Organization

The Clique of Sparse Shiv

Emotions

Insulted

Personality

Dearly Wonderful

Motive

Take over a government to lust for power

Bodyguard

John the "Proud Pixie"

Physical Size

Sizable

Story

Additional Locations

The Grumpy Grove

Archaic Tower

Cleanliness Crypt

Random Events

Bum Calls menacingly

Druid Balances on a ledge

Renaissance Faire Is under a curse

Woman Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

World

Stores

Mattie's Desk Worldwide

Bennett's Clamp Worldwide

Cox's Flower in Vase Closet

Alexander's Glass Jars Worldwide

Traps

Compacting Room

Razor-Wire across Hallway of Dark

Objects

Desk with a False bottom

Flower in Vase with a False bottom

Secret Clamp

Hidden Gauntlet

Helmet of Dark

Wand of Wonder

Each day, caster must drink at least four gallons of water

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Charles Bennett "Big Elbows" Merchant Rubber Stamps Trucks
Jose Cox "Yellow Brains" Mole Chocolate Stickers
Candace Fowler Architect Tigers Cellphones
Mattie Edwards Frustrated Singing Cooking
Zoe Alexander Midwife Mirrors Horses

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).