The Director Welcomes You

The Sponge Endownment Protocol

#8ded3f

Location

Foul, Wet Tajikistan

Time of Day

15:10

Extraction Point

175 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

40 Hours

Detectives,
I have sent you to within a Crowded Lodge to look for a suspect by the name "Heavy Elephant". This mission is black bag. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to disable the bomb. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A traveling merchant appears at the Big Momma".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Angry Bonsai Tree in your kit to help.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Hannah Gregory

Alias

"Heavy Elephant"

Features

7' 2"

Red eyes

A second belly button / Right thumb

Organization

The Task Force of Petulant Chief

Emotions

Elated

Personality

Physically Bald

Motive

Take over a country to control the Children

Bodyguard

Peter the "Worn Elephant"

Physical Size

Cramped

Story

Additional Locations

The Embarrassed Barn Dance

Archaic Peninsula

Obsession Masquerade

Random Events

Husband Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

Cat grabs a lady's purse

Drunk Salutes the adventurers

Bunny approaches

World

Stores

Hailey's Hat Threads

Roberts's Bonsai Productions

McDonald's Chair Bazaar

Diaz's Rug Convenience store

Traps

Suspicious door with lock

Razor-Wire across Hallway of Endownment

Objects

Hat made of heavy metal

Chair children's replica

Secret Bonsai

Hidden Lipstick

Spikes of Endownment

Wand of Wonder

Target’s hands shrink by 50%

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Faith Roberts "Four Elbows" Merchant Chili Essential Oils
Hailey McDonald "Two Forearms" Mole Broccoli Photography
Eliana Spencer Electrician Butterflies Rocks
Hailey Rice Elder Squirrels Dolphins
Carter Diaz Exhilarated Coffee Soda

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).