The Director Welcomes You

The Gentle Cocktail Pursuit

#f93ff2

Location

Cool, Gloomy Bosnia and Herzegovina

Time of Day

2:16

Extraction Point

50 Miles SE

Time to Complete

7 Hours

Informants,
It seems "Left Kaiju" has gone level 4. They have been broadcasting this message "A shadow passes at the dry riverbed". We need you to eliminate them, Greedily. Their last known location was recorded at 09:24. You have a Soft Paint Brush as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alexis Cook

Alias

"Left Kaiju"

Features

5' 3"

Gray eyes

Large moles / Left thumb

Organization

The Firm of Uptight Buttplug

Emotions

Alarmed

Personality

Greedily Intransigent

Motive

Take over a government fueled by conspiracy

Bodyguard

Jimmy the "Dubious Gremlin"

Physical Size

Vast

Story

Additional Locations

The Gentle Palace

Archaic Pond

Bitterness Manor

Random Events

VAT of Broth Lunges at the group

Keg Finds gold in the water

Corncob Is being detained

Prostitute runs over an infant

World

Stores

Daisy's Large book International

Spencer's Bonsai Arcade

Luna's Quill and Ink Boutique

Hanson's Stool Beauty Stop

Traps

Floor Net

Ghoul Touch of Darkness

Objects

Large book children's replica

Quill and Ink that is glowing

Secret Bonsai

Hidden Goblet

Bow of Darkness

Wand of Wonder

If reduced to one hit point, target is Healed but loses one level

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Ariel Spencer "Left Arms" Merchant Lamps Bracelets
Brooklyn Luna "Heavy Ribs" Mole Horses Essential Oils
Sebastian Morrison Surveyor Lamps Batteries
Daisy Johnson Physician Balloons Sponges
Jude Hanson Statistician Basketball Washing Machines

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).