The Director Welcomes You

Hole Royale

#b212b9

Location

Sunny, Icy Eritrea

Time of Day

23:9

Extraction Point

41 Miles E

Time to Complete

44 Hours

Operatives,
I have sent you to within a Touristy Barn Dance to look for a suspect by the name "Big Anteaters". This mission is counterintelligence. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to find where their funding is coming from. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A vagrant asks for food at the Eye of Heaven".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Rusty Ballpoint Pen in your kit to help.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Lincoln Cruz

Alias

"Big Anteaters"

Features

4' 4"

Heterochromia eyes

Small mole / Left thumb

Organization

The Commission of Uptight History

Emotions

Envious

Personality

Calmly Slatted

Motive

Take over a government for a love interest

Bodyguard

Johnny the "Long Hydra"

Physical Size

Huge

Story

Additional Locations

The Gentle Mansion

Ancient Lake

Calming Crypt

Random Events

Bank Lunges at the group

Carcass scurries by

Wedding Cake gathers near a point of interest

Bunny Attempts to rob a bank

World

Stores

Charlie's Staircase Hole

Webster's Satchel Mall

Goodwin's Coat of Arms Warehouse

Gordon's Platter Unlimited

Traps

Javelin

Acid Arrow of The Blackest Black

Objects

Staircase made of heavy metal

Coat of Arms that is glowing

Secret Satchel

Hidden Scimitar

Shoe of The Blackest Black

Wand of Wonder

After each spell, caster seems withdrawn and despondent

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Jasmine Webster "Mad Thumbs" Merchant Acorns Rubber Stamps
Athena Goodwin "Dull Elbows" Mole Lions Glass
Zachary Hamilton Exhilarated Soup Cartography
Charlie Tran Musician Jazz Dice
Charlie Gordon Cosmetologist Music Glitter

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).