The Director Welcomes You

The Unethically Prehensile Agent

#68da20

Location

Cloudy, Miserable Saint Lucia

Time of Day

21:54

Extraction Point

139 Miles S

Time to Complete

42 Hours

Examiners,
As you can see you are trapped inside circle a Underground Shelter . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Obese Siren" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Wizard's Scar". Your mission was clandestine, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Clandestine Battery hidden on you.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Khloe Walters

Alias

"Obese Siren"

Features

5' 8"

Green eyes

Small mole / Left thumb

Organization

The Fraternity of Affluent Flame

Emotions

Trust

Personality

Unethically Slimy

Motive

Make a lot of money for fear of the heroes

Bodyguard

Simon the "Immense Ghost"

Physical Size

Hefty

Story

Additional Locations

The Prehensile Lake

Compact Grove

Censorship City

Random Events

Biscuit is robbed

Carcass Ignites violently

Swarm of Bees explodes

Cat Salutes the adventurers

World

Stores

Jasper's Diary Du jour

Todd's Lamp Unlimited

Harrington's Sconce Couture

Hawkins's Vase Consulting

Traps

Water-Filled Room

Blade Barrier of Power

Objects

Diary with a False bottom

Sconce with a False bottom

Secret Lamp

Hidden Brass Knuckles

Targe of Power

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t walk while carrying gold

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Micah Todd "Slow Fingers" Merchant Baseball Sailboats
Victor Harrington "Five Cheesecakes" Mole Coffee Oranges
Jason Rice Elevator Mechanic Whipped Cream Whipped Cream
Jasper Salazar Exhilarated Whipped Cream Chickens
Aaliyah Hawkins Cheerful Singing Syrup

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).