The Director Welcomes You

Monument, Octogenarian, Mustard, Spy.

#cfbba3

Location

Chilly, Breezy Paraguay

Time of Day

11:8

Extraction Point

147 Miles SWW

Time to Complete

31 Hours

Sleuths,
We need your help. Agent Hannah Pena has gone missing and we believe "Meaty Drunken Irish Guy" is responsible. They were last seen in Paraguay at 04:09. The agent sent one final message – "A shrine is nearby at the Underwater cave". Take this Polished Hammer - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Tablet of Stone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Ximena Jones

Alias

"Meaty Drunken Irish Guy"

Features

7' 2"

Heterochromia eyes

Large deep scar / Left middle finger

Organization

The Association of Dusty Mustard

Emotions

Guilty

Personality

Valiantly Lazy

Motive

Disrupt the military to lead a mutiny

Bodyguard

Roberto the "Regal Pixie"

Physical Size

Bantam

Story

Additional Locations

The Meaty Creek

Rundown Masquerade

Skill Mansion

Random Events

Gunshot Is being tortured

Alligator Is getting confiscated

Swarm of Bees Ignites violently

Dozen Eggs Crashes slowly

World

Stores

Oliver's Mounted Animal Brothers

Mason's Chair Properties

Dennis's Drawers Properties

Pena's Crock Couture

Traps

Lightning Bolt

Symbol of Hypnosis of Vulnerability

Objects

Mounted Animal children's replica

Drawers children's replica

Secret Chair

Hidden Boomerang

Spear of Vulnerability

Wand of Wonder

Target lacks any concept of personal property

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Bailey Mason "Gross Hearts" Merchant Rubber Bands Sun Glasses
Amaya Dennis "Fast Eyes" Mole Death Shirts
Reagan Hartman Architect Stickers Butterflies
Oliver Brooks Weakened Comic Books Video Games
Hannah Pena Drummer Money Toilets

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).