The Director Welcomes You

Cosmetics Royale

#b2ddb9

Location

Cloudy, Windless The Bahamas

Time of Day

6:3

Extraction Point

171 Miles SE

Time to Complete

40 Hours

Detectives,
We need your help. Agent Ruby Banks has gone missing and we believe "Red Gnome" is responsible. They were last seen in The Bahamas at 23:19. The agent sent one final message – "A lone flower growing at the Music Store". Take this Light Flute - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alyssa Rowe

Alias

"Red Gnome"

Features

4' 1"

Hazel eyes

Large moles / Right eye

Organization

The Commission of Raw Tail

Emotions

Tenderness

Personality

Queasily Shitty

Motive

Take over a government fueled by conspiracy

Bodyguard

Frankie the "Chipper Goblins"

Physical Size

Towering

Story

Additional Locations

The Slimy Island

Rundown Carnival

Enjoyment Pond

Random Events

Bag of Flour Ignites violently

Bank Is being detained

Deadbeat is being loudly arrested

Bear strikes the ground

World

Stores

Reese's Sink Cosmetics

Gonzales's Canopy Bed International

Maxwell's Portrait Du jour

Banks's Kitchen knife Properties

Traps

Extended Bane

Fireball of Calming

Objects

Sink that is glowing

Portrait made of heavy metal

Secret Canopy Bed

Hidden Lighter

Stave of Calming

Wand of Wonder

Any attempt to change shape will teleport the caster to this spot

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Zoey Gonzales "Drowsy Pinky's" Merchant Broccoli Balloons
Kaleb Maxwell "Quiet Hands" Mole Bells Lipstick
Benjamin Stevenson Judge Toilets Stickers
Reese Hines Demon Tigers Cooking
Ruby Banks Vision Candy Notes

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).