The Director Welcomes You

The Horny Alcoholic Conundrum

#8df810

Location

Humid, Frigid Iraq

Time of Day

18:51

Extraction Point

72 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

2 Hours

Spy Deputies,
I have sent you to the bottom of a Ancient Park to look for a suspect by the name "Tough Hydra". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to uncover their plans. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "Clouds develop quickly at the Screaming Waterfall".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Vicious Bolt Cutter in your kit to help.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Aubrey Austin

Alias

"Tough Hydra"

Features

4' 10"

Amber eyes

Stretch Marks / Left arm

Organization

The Gang of Depressed Ski Lodge

Emotions

Rejected

Personality

Upliftingly Noxious

Motive

Make a lot of money to become the best

Bodyguard

Hal the "Huge Demon"

Physical Size

Microscopic

Story

Additional Locations

The Horny Manor

Rundown Peninsula

Demise Lagoon

Random Events

Thief catches on fire

Mutant Strikes the church bell

Keg Gets their hand chopped off

Tramp Catches leprosy

World

Stores

Aurora's Stamp Set Brothers

Delgado's Brass Replica Productions

Bowers's Taxidermy animal Factory

Shelton's Window Ventures

Traps

Beehive

Box of Brown Mold of Laughter

Objects

Stamp Set that is glowing

Taxidermy animal children's replica

Secret Brass Replica

Hidden Brass Knuckles

Axe of Laughter

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t sleep until he fells the tallest tree in the kingdom

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Dylan Delgado "Casual Feet" Merchant Squirrels Quartz Crystals
Ivy Bowers "Five Pretzels" Mole Chickens Attention
Claire Douglas Geologist Photography Flashlights
Aurora Fox Hotel Manager Sharp Things Chickens
Adaline Shelton Ghost Sharks Octopus

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).