The Director Welcomes You

Who is Simon Brothel?

#0b52f6

Location

Overcast, Rainy China

Time of Day

5:39

Extraction Point

76 Miles NE

Time to Complete

35 Hours

Ambassadors,
We need your help. Agent Avery Alvarez has gone missing and we believe "No Vampires" is responsible. They were last seen in China at 11:14. The agent sent one final message – "A mysterious key is found on the ground at the Underwater cave". Take this Rusty Baking Tray - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Vinyl record player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Emmanuel Roberts

Alias

"No Vampires"

Features

5' 10"

Gray eyes

A second belly button / Left leg

Organization

The Task Force of White Babies

Emotions

Rageful

Personality

Punctually Putrid

Motive

Take over a government to save humanity

Bodyguard

Simon the "Massive Worm"

Physical Size

Narrow

Story

Additional Locations

The Hissing Reef

Touristy Barn Dance

Expiration Lake

Random Events

Lactose Intolerance Calls menacingly

Amulet Is being kidnapped

Bum chase a suspect

Princess Pulls on the coat tails of one of the adventurers

World

Stores

Cameron's Marionette Wardrobe

Buchanan's Armoir Supermarket

Burke's Sofa Labs

Alvarez's Basket Productions

Traps

Rune of Paralyzation

Poison Needle of Grave Consequences

Objects

Marionette that is glowing

Sofa with a False bottom

Secret Armoir

Hidden Helmet

Shield of Grave Consequences

Wand of Wonder

Target is obsessively jealous of someone now standing nearby

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Kylie Buchanan "Tough Cheesecakes" Merchant Rabbits Bears
Mattie Burke "Gross Matzo Balls" Mole Balloons Singing
Jordyn Phillips Railroad Conductor Plushies Butterflies
Cameron White Blacksmith Boxes Candy
Avery Alvarez Midwife Bells Soccer

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).