The Director Welcomes You

The Church Vulnerability Protocol

#54a3b8

Location

Dull, Dark Venezuela

Time of Day

10:44

Extraction Point

171 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

43 Hours

Ambassadors,
I have sent you to climb a Underwater Port to look for a suspect by the name "Three Aardvark". This mission is black ops. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to retrieve the stolen intel. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "The group finds a random cow at the Top of the carousel wheel".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Explosive Flute in your kit to help.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Cameron Lawson

Alias

"Three Aardvark"

Features

6' 6"

Green eyes

A second belly button / Crotch

Organization

The Order of Empty Brothel

Emotions

Scared

Personality

Naturally Red

Motive

Make a lot of money for revenge

Bodyguard

Ali the "Obtuse Orcs"

Physical Size

Slight

Story

Additional Locations

The Tragic Port

Touristy Chateau

Annihilation Island

Random Events

Box of Mice is loose

Vagabond gathers near a point of interest

Sewer Is hurled at the adventurers

Nearby Gas Tank drops from the sky

World

Stores

Hunter's Kitchen knife Chic Chåteau

Stewart's Sconce Little shop

Boyd's Landscape Technologies

Reid's Rubber Plant Wardrobe

Traps

Bricks from Ceiling

Bricks from Ceiling of Vulnerability

Objects

Kitchen knife made of heavy metal

Landscape that has been hollowed out

Secret Sconce

Hidden Chastity Belt

Chastity Belt of Vulnerability

Wand of Wonder

Target loses 1d4 levels/hit dice

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Gabriel Stewart "Drowsy Bagels" Merchant Water Contracts
Mason Boyd "Blue Hearts" Mole Singing Paper
Kennedy Alvarez Teacher Sharks Essential Oils
Hunter Hanson Banker Batteries Cousins
Kayla Reid Cranky Children's Stories Paper

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).