The Director Welcomes You

The Irritably Muscular Agent

#664ddf

Location

Gorgeous, Humid Maldives

Time of Day

15:43

Extraction Point

23 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

20 Hours

Sleuths,
It seems "White Werewolf" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "The group finds a random cow at the Apple Orchard". We need you to eliminate them, Irritably. Their last known location was recorded at 24:24. You have a Dull Plier as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Samantha Mueller

Alias

"White Werewolf"

Features

6' 1"

Amber eyes

Small mole / Right middle finger

Organization

The Office of Baleful Postoffice

Emotions

Pity

Personality

Irritably Rotten

Motive

Make a lot of money to become famous

Bodyguard

Jose the "Obnoxious Wendigo"

Physical Size

Minuscule

Story

Additional Locations

The Muscular Peninsula

Deserted Villa

Animosity Mansion

Random Events

Hoard Salutes the adventurers

Hoard screams at the top of their lungs

Carcass Skips merrily

Odor explodes

World

Stores

Abraham's Fruit Bowl Closet

Kelley's Globe Beauty Stop

Frazier's Picture Frame Threads

Hicks's Cabinet Du jour

Traps

Razor-Wire across Hallway

Box of Brown Mold of The Blackest Black

Objects

Fruit Bowl that is glowing

Picture Frame children's replica

Secret Globe

Hidden Mace

Pen of The Blackest Black

Wand of Wonder

All within 50 yards think that they’re being attacked by zombies

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Melody Kelley "Yellow Elbows" Merchant Chili Sharp Things
Isabelle Frazier "Slow Feet" Mole Music Oranges
Maya Elliott Indifferent Water Squirrels
Abraham Erickson Plumber Syrup Doors
Dawson Hicks Exhilarated Sun Glasses Soap

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).