The Director Welcomes You

The Disease Contentment Protocol

#8a7659

Location

Icy, Frigid North Macedonia

Time of Day

18:41

Extraction Point

51 Miles SE

Time to Complete

25 Hours

Investigators,
This week should be easy. You are delivering a Brass Replica with a False bottom. Get to North Macedonia at 20:04

Good Luck.

— The Messenger Pigeon you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Jason Newton

Alias

"Big Zombie"

Features

5' 2"

Red eyes

Small mole / Right middle finger

Organization

The Office of Avian Ogre

Emotions

Humiliated

Personality

Really Tiny

Motive

Take over a country because they straight up craycray

Bodyguard

Darnell the "Swollen Chimera"

Physical Size

Sizable

Story

Additional Locations

The Mecha Arcade

Ancient Mansion

Obsession Masquerade

Random Events

Butter Shipment is heard screaming

Prostitute Lunges at the group

Cauldron Crashes slowly

Store Is being tortured

World

Stores

Weston's Brass Replica Discount

Stephens's Wingback chair Factory

Myers's Mural Emporium

Weber's Shirt Little shop

Traps

Ghoul Touch

Rune of Paralyzation of Contentment

Objects

Brass Replica with a False bottom

Mural that is glowing

Secret Wingback chair

Hidden Glasses

Watch of Contentment

Wand of Wonder

Next weapon drawn nearby forces its wielder to attack his allies

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Tricia Stephens "Two Waffles" Merchant Bread Sailboats
Finley Myers "All Cappuccinos" Mole Easter Coffee
Ryder Rose Police Officer Candy Tigers
Weston Alexander Angry Physics Jigsaw Puzzles
Sophie Weber Paramedic Hamsters Singing

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).