The Director Welcomes You

The Person Bitterness Incident

#98d681

Location

Warm, Stormy Oman

Time of Day

11:41

Extraction Point

141 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

37 Hours

Operatives,
It seems "Little Golem" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "Tracks of wolves can be seen at the Boneyard". We need you to eliminate them, Inwardly. Their last known location was recorded at 16:02. You have a Angry Umbrella as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Iris Phillips

Alias

"Little Golem"

Features

5' 7"

Hazel eyes

Small mole / Right thumb

Organization

The Firm of Worried Troll

Emotions

Trust

Personality

Inwardly Sharp

Motive

Make a lot of money out of desperation

Bodyguard

Jerry the "Cocky Dwarf"

Physical Size

Full-grown

Story

Additional Locations

The Moist Forge

Deserted Crypt

Calamity Mansion

Random Events

Bum Integrates silently into the group

Gunshot Finds gold in the water

Leopard Ignites violently

Pack of Wild Dogs Finds gold in the water

World

Stores

Gracie's Footlocker Cosmetics

Padilla's Goblet Beauty Stop

McDaniel's Armoir Wardrobe

Mclaughlin's Figurine Beauty Stop

Traps

Acid Arrow

Falling Block of Bitterness

Objects

Footlocker children's replica

Armoir that has been hollowed out

Secret Goblet

Hidden Sword

Sling of Bitterness

Wand of Wonder

Target can’t speak except while brandishing a weapon

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Carlos Padilla "Heavy Legs" Merchant Eggs Whipped Cream
Jesse McDaniel "Four Pastrami's" Mole Drinking Rubber Bands
Kylie Graham Frustrated Bread Paper
Gracie Bennett Paramedic Hamsters Hammers
Henry Mclaughlin Cobbler Socks Cousins

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).