The Director Welcomes You

Who is Jackie Secretary?

#625c85

Location

Arid, Stormy Gabon

Time of Day

19:57

Extraction Point

173 Miles NWW

Time to Complete

31 Hours

Silent Negotiators,
I have sent you to underneathe a Polluted Reef to look for a suspect by the name "Red starfish". This mission is anti-surveillance. Their recent activity is concerning and we need you to retrieve their missile codes. We don't know much about their goals but we've intercepted this cryptic message – "A lone flower growing at the Ghost Town".

We're low budget this mission – I've packed a Light Stapler in your kit to help.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Melody Maldonado

Alias

"Red starfish"

Features

4' 7"

Heterochromia eyes

Small mole / Right hand

Organization

The Firm of Lazy Nature

Emotions

Proud

Personality

Painfully Helpful

Motive

Take over a country to be left alone

Bodyguard

Jackie the "Bitter Drunken Irish Guy"

Physical Size

Young

Story

Additional Locations

The Surrogate House

Abandoned Masquerade

Pleasure Crypt

Random Events

Sewer Strikes the church bell

Chauvinist Is getting confiscated

Dozen Eggs Balances on a ledge

Rhapsody scurries by

World

Stores

Alexander's Flowers Growing Technologies

Jenkins's Telescope Couture

Santiago's Window Solutions

Oliver's Lamp Warehouse

Traps

Javelin

Hail of Needles of Indecision

Objects

Flowers Growing children's replica

Window made of heavy metal

Secret Telescope

Hidden Key

Javelins of Indecision

Wand of Wonder

All weapons within 50 yards are sealed in candle wax

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Paige Jenkins "Plump Hands" Merchant Clocks Children's Stories
Elizabeth Santiago "Mini Parmigianas" Mole Ice Cubes Cartography
Eliana Campbell Broker Broccoli Photography
Alexander Quinn Funeral Director Sticks Quartz Crystals
Sawyer Oliver Optimistic Octopus Octopus

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).