The Director Welcomes You

The Dragon Purity Protocol

#b69d0b

Location

Warm, Stormy Kenya

Time of Day

5:58

Extraction Point

173 Miles NNE

Time to Complete

48 Hours

Ambassadors,
We need your help. Agent Presley Keller has gone missing and we believe "Left Spirit" is responsible. They were last seen in Kenya at 21:13. The agent sent one final message – "A shrine is nearby at the Underwater cave". Take this Dull Plier - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Tristan Hart

Alias

"Left Spirit"

Features

4' 5"

Heterochromia eyes

Faint curved scar / Right arm

Organization

The Authority of Dry Space Station

Emotions

Eager

Personality

Daintily Muscular

Motive

Disrupt the military to achieve their destiny

Bodyguard

Johnny the "Proud all-seeing eye"

Physical Size

Microscopic

Story

Additional Locations

The Careful Crypt

Underwater Shelter

Perspiration Mansion

Random Events

Leopard Spontaneously disintegrates

Biscuit skins a cat with his teeth

Bunny Attempts to rob a bank

Pickpocket Attempts to rob a bank

World

Stores

Julian's Figurine Labs

Walters's Stamp Set Outlet

Fisher's Statue Market

Keller's Key Bazaar

Traps

Earthquake

Fire of Purity

Objects

Figurine that has been hollowed out

Statue with a False bottom

Secret Stamp Set

Hidden Watch

Greaves of Purity

Wand of Wonder

Target gains 1d10 permanent hit points but must Save or die

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Hudson Walters "Gross Pastrami's" Merchant Snowglobes Soup
Julia Fisher "Obese Throats" Mole Attention Sticks
Colton Reynolds Dietitian Dolphins Plushies
Julian Ross Weakened Soap Paper
Presley Keller Hotel Manager Fire Teeth

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).