The Director Welcomes You

The Girthy Ice Crisis

#118222

Location

Stormy, Balmy Ghana

Time of Day

5:24

Extraction Point

62 Miles SE

Time to Complete

36 Hours

Operatives,
As you can see you are trapped inside within a Ancient Festival . We almost couldn't find you — Please explain when you get back. All we know is "Plump Elves" is responsible and they sent us this message - "Distant sounds of screaming at the Big Momma". Your mission was black ops, achieve what you can.

Hopefully you still have that Sharp Pencil hidden on you.

— The Burner Phone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Aaron McCormick

Alias

"Plump Elves"

Features

7' 1"

Heterochromia eyes

A second belly button / Left thumb

Organization

The Sorority of Rancid Ogre

Emotions

Aggravated

Personality

Closely Miniature

Motive

Take over a government to save humanity

Bodyguard

Frankie the "Prickly Aardvark"

Physical Size

Considerable

Story

Additional Locations

The Girthy Business

Ancient Palace

Catastrophe Reef

Random Events

Storm Gets their hand chopped off

Amulet overflows

Spectator catches on fire

Renaissance Faire is heard screaming

World

Stores

Eden's Flower in Vase Arcade

Jimenez's crutch International

Hoffman's Kitchen knife Supermarket

Garza's Rubber Plant Consulting

Traps

Phantasmal Killer

Bricks from Ceiling of Delight

Objects

Flower in Vase that is glowing

Kitchen knife that has been hollowed out

Secret crutch

Hidden Credit Card

Bracer of Delight

Wand of Wonder

While target sleeps, he’s bound by countless spider webs

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Damian Jimenez "Silver Churros" Merchant Syrup Mirrors
Molly Hoffman "Right Bones" Mole Shirts Basketball
Ian Sanchez Shadow Clocks Rabbits
Eden Garza Stressed Coffee Dice
Camila Garza Restless Scarves Tigers

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).