The Director Welcomes You

The Skin Perspiration Protocol

#9b2efd

Location

Calm, Arid China

Time of Day

15:44

Extraction Point

191 Miles SWW

Time to Complete

43 Hours

Scrutinizers,
It seems "Little Porpoises" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "A pool of blood at the Ancient Fountain". We need you to eliminate them, Justly. Their last known location was recorded at 23:12. You have a Fluffy Barstool as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Origami Swan you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Easton Mitchell

Alias

"Little Porpoises"

Features

6' 3"

Red eyes

Large deep scar / Right eye

Organization

The Crew of Gentle Rabbit

Emotions

Disappointed

Personality

Justly Irksome

Motive

Make a lot of money to become rich

Bodyguard

Timmy the "Icy Mummy"

Physical Size

Toy

Story

Additional Locations

The Cheap Jungle

Desolate Park

Vulnerability Spring

Random Events

Safe is robbed

Bard Integrates silently into the group

Gypsy arrives in the mail

Tramp is heard screaming

World

Stores

Finley's Bottle Du jour

Neal's Barrel International

Clarke's Potted Plant Logistics

Moore's Window Bureau

Traps

Blade Barrier

Bear Trap of Perspiration

Objects

Bottle children's replica

Potted Plant with a False bottom

Secret Barrel

Hidden Watch

Sling of Perspiration

Wand of Wonder

Every living creature in the world hears the word "Xyzzy"

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Oscar Neal "King Eyes" Merchant Bracelets Children's Stories
Genesis Clarke "Violet Churros" Mole Trees Contracts
Abraham Chavez Veterinarian Glass Plushies
Finley Chambers Zestful Music Chickens
Ethan Moore Cranky Oranges Music

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).