The Director Welcomes You

The Toes Well-being Protocol

#15a363

Location

Windy, Foggy Colombia

Time of Day

1:41

Extraction Point

24 Miles NEE

Time to Complete

34 Hours

Detectives,
We need your help. Agent Mariah Olson has gone missing and we believe "Yellow Kraken" is responsible. They were last seen in Colombia at 11:10. The agent sent one final message – "A mysterious key is found on the ground at the Devil's barrow". Take this Robotic Blanket - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The Portable Radio you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Gael Martinez

Alias

"Yellow Kraken"

Features

5' 11"

Red eyes

Large deep scar / Crotch

Organization

The Society of Great Psychiatrist

Emotions

Receptive

Personality

Daily Old

Motive

Make a lot of money out of desperation

Bodyguard

Mitch the "Juicy Kangaroos"

Physical Size

Mini

Story

Additional Locations

The Elevated City

Hidden Lodge

Skill Spring

Random Events

Nearby Gas Tank strikes the ground

Prostitute Gets their hand chopped off

Demon Is being kidnapped

Dead Animal Catches leprosy

World

Stores

Naomi's Notebook Couture

Zimmerman's Painting Hole

Alexander's Taxidermy animal Consulting

Olson's Pedestal Couture

Traps

Object Smeared with Poison

Fire of Well-being

Objects

Notebook that has been hollowed out

Taxidermy animal with a False bottom

Secret Painting

Hidden Bow

Cat of Well-being

Wand of Wonder

If target worships a deity, he thinks he’s that deity’s avatar

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Guy Zimmerman "Stiff Arms" Merchant Drinking Bracelets
Grant Alexander "Drowsy Elbows" Mole Sponges Pillows
Braxton Sanchez Meteorologist Deodorant Cousins
Naomi Little Plumber Toilets Music
Mariah Olson Animator Oranges Eggs

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).