The Director Welcomes You

The Upper Management Fatality Protocol

#9e6d04

Location

Cloudy, Mild Papua New Guinea

Time of Day

18:29

Extraction Point

139 Miles SSE

Time to Complete

42 Hours

Operatives,
It seems "Heavy Golem" has gone level 2. They have been broadcasting this message "A mysterious key is found on the ground at the Three Fingers". We need you to eliminate them, Helpfully. Their last known location was recorded at 01:19. You have a Glowing Bandana as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Tablet of Stone you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Connor Keller

Alias

"Heavy Golem"

Features

7' 5"

Blue eyes

Large deep scar / Crotch

Organization

The Crew of Future Teeth

Emotions

Caring

Personality

Helpfully Hungry

Motive

Make a lot of money to better Humanity

Bodyguard

Donald the "Brutish Elephants"

Physical Size

Giant

Story

Additional Locations

The Narrow Mansion

Crowded Mansion

Delight Suburbs

Random Events

Water Vessel Is being tortured

Renaissance Faire meets disaster

Ninja arrives in the mail

Pack of Wild Dogs Balances on a ledge

World

Stores

Cole's Sofa Arcade

Phillips's Rug International

Santos's File Specialities

Morales's Iron stove Bureau

Traps

Ghoul Touch

Crushing Room of Fatality

Objects

Sofa children's replica

File that is glowing

Secret Rug

Hidden Chastity Belt

Magazine of Fatality

Wand of Wonder

Target refuses to share food or water with his allies

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Miguel Phillips "Gross Kidneys" Merchant Rock n' Roll Notes
Zachary Santos "Two Legs" Mole Sharp Things Football
Jonah Bowen Shadow Rock n' Roll Stickers
Cole Avila Dietitian Chalk Sponges
Raelynn Morales Annoyed Essential Oils Death

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).