The Director Welcomes You

The Cherries Excitement Protocol

#3146ab

Location

Miserable, Mild Uzbekistan

Time of Day

4:50

Extraction Point

91 Miles SE

Time to Complete

22 Hours

Scrutinizers,
It seems "White Armadillo" has gone level 7. They have been broadcasting this message "A stranger can be seen in the shadows at the Underwater cave". We need you to eliminate them, Yawningly. Their last known location was recorded at 19:11. You have a Explosive Chewing Gum as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The CD player you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Amy Sandoval

Alias

"White Armadillo"

Features

5' 5"

Blue eyes

Small mole / Right thumb

Organization

The Brotherhood of Savory Teeth

Emotions

Stunned

Personality

Yawningly Wrapped

Motive

Disrupt the military justice for a wrong-doing

Bodyguard

Peter the "Icy Abominable Snowman"

Physical Size

Puny

Story

Additional Locations

The Garrulous Villa

Desolate Festival

Competency Isle

Random Events

Meteor gathers near a point of interest

Gypsy Becomes wounded

Midwife Integrates silently into the group

Beggar is robbed

World

Stores

Lauren's Cabinet Technologies

Stewart's Toolset Warehouse

Estrada's Barrel Du jour

Pearson's Sculpture Couture

Traps

Wall Blade

Scything Blade of Excitement

Objects

Cabinet that has been hollowed out

Barrel that is glowing

Secret Toolset

Hidden Nipple Clamp

Brass Knuckles of Excitement

Wand of Wonder

Target can polymorph at will but is 10% likely to die each time

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Addison Stewart "Casual Ribs" Merchant Robots Candles
Isla Estrada "Blue Lemons" Mole Glass Cookies
Trinity Miranda Actor Snowglobes Basketball
Lauren Walker Actor Photography Lipstick
Roman Pearson Old Man Sun Glasses Cookies

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).