The Director Welcomes You

Operation — Puny Hospital

#344f24

Location

Dry, Windy Saudi Arabia

Time of Day

16:56

Extraction Point

112 Miles SEE

Time to Complete

34 Hours

Silent Negotiators,
We need your help. Agent Bryce Norris has gone missing and we believe "Sharp Bull" is responsible. They were last seen in Saudi Arabia at 08:04. The agent sent one final message – "A lone flower growing at the Tempest". Take this Fluffy Apron - it was their favorite tool and might help you.

— The iPod you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Alexander Watts

Alias

"Sharp Bull"

Features

7' 11"

Hazel eyes

Stretch Marks / Left eye

Organization

The Association of Howling Problem

Emotions

Cautious

Personality

Gently Tropical

Motive

Take over a country to cause catastrophe

Bodyguard

Chuckie the "Gentle Minotaur"

Physical Size

Full-grown

Story

Additional Locations

The Puny Castle

Hidden Arcade

Optimism House

Random Events

Corncob Ignites violently

Bag of Lemons Attempts to rob a bank

Turtle catches on fire

Gypsy Skips merrily

World

Stores

Paisley's Landscape Discount

Richards's Toolbox Properties

Sims's Credenza Chic Chåteau

Norris's Marionette Threads

Traps

Poison Wall Spikes

Bestow Curse of Indecision

Objects

Landscape made of heavy metal

Credenza with a False bottom

Secret Toolbox

Hidden Nipple Clamp

Boomerang of Indecision

Wand of Wonder

Target’s clothes always appear to be filthy

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
William Richards "Five Elbows" Merchant Clocks Quartz Crystals
Thomas Sims "Green Lox" Mole Chalk Potatoes
Carter Medina Banker Broccoli Paper
Paisley Miranda Hotel Manager Sun Glasses Snowglobes
Bryce Norris Hotel Manager Honey Peanut Butter

Cipher



                

                
 
                

                

                

                

                

                

The Fuck Is This?

After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out my personal story notes.

This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

But how?

The Most Important Rule

Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

Set Up

Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

Characters

90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance.

Rolling

This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again.

Dungeon Master

Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd.

Ending

No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).