The Director Welcomes You

The Shapely Van Enigma

#6fecf7

Location

Breezy, Dark Armenia

Time of Day

2:7

Extraction Point

115 Miles SE

Time to Complete

37 Hours

Detectives,
It seems "Orange mammoth" has gone level 9. They have been broadcasting this message "An out of place door appears at the giants footsteps". We need you to eliminate them, Offensively. Their last known location was recorded at 04:18. You have a Colorful File as a last resort. Use carefully.

— The Microsoft Zune you were holding self destructs.

The Villain Dossier

Name

Colton Martin

Alias

"Orange mammoth"

Features

5' 8"

Green eyes

Faint curved scar / Right leg

Organization

The Task Force of Fulsome Craigslist

Emotions

Amused

Personality

Offensively Fancy

Motive

Take over a government out of jealousy

Bodyguard

James the "Delightful Rhinoceroses"

Physical Size

Colossal

Story

Additional Locations

The Shapely Jungle

Expensive Grove

Darkness Lagoon

Random Events

Pine Branch Gets their hand chopped off

Whore gathers near a point of interest

Woman Finds gold in the water

Alligator skins a cat with his teeth

World

Stores

Andrew's Watch Creative

Robinson's Sink Logistics

Kennedy's Chaise Beauty Stop

Cohen's Platter Outlet

Traps

Suspicious door with lock

Incendiary Cloud of Oblivion

Objects

Watch that is glowing

Chaise made of heavy metal

Secret Sink

Hidden Credit Card

Magazine of Oblivion

Wand of Wonder

Each day, caster is 5% likely to teleport to this target point

People

Name Codename Career Likes Dislikes
Sophia Robinson "Two Ankles" Merchant Horses Plushies
Weston Kennedy "Short Fingers" Mole Dice Gym Memberships
Sherri Mejia Architect Drinking Basketball
Andrew Gonzales Cranky Dice Video Games
Carter Cohen Dead Tired Washing Machines Coffee

Cipher



                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    
 
                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

                
                

                    
                    

                


                

                    
                    

                

              

            

          

        

      

    



    
      
      
 
        

          

            
The Fuck Is This?

          

          

            
            
After years of playing Dungeons & Dragons, I decided to make a variation where everything is improv. The DM knows as much as the players and you tell a story together - sitcom style. We use this site as a quest starter, think of some characters, and see how much we can make each other laugh.

            
            
It's designed to be simple, portable, and dependent on being creative & inventive. I wanted a framework to guide the plot forward but let us find the story. This page is just a guide to help the stories become too redundant - take as much as you want, ignore as much as you need. If you want to follow along with our adventures or read some examples, check out  my personal story notes.

            
            
This concept and site was crafted by Andrew Maruska with linguistic help from Evan Stark

          

        

      

    


    
      
      
 
        

          

            
But how?

          

          
            
            The Most Important Rule
            
Be Silly. The goal is to laugh not to have a normal adventure. Someone wants to go to the moon? Fuck yeah they do and we're going to do it with medieval technology.

            
            Set Up
            
Give the players a home base, a year they want to play in, and some general ownership of the setup. It's more successful when everyone has helped create the world because when a player makes suggestions it's easier to integrate them without feeling too precious. It helps to have a figurehead that assigns the quest to authoritatively start.

            
            Characters
            
90% of creating a character here is a funny voice you're forced to talk in for 3 hours. I typically have people pick one trait they want to be good at and give them a slight advantage when using that - and the same for a negative trait. Don't overcomplicate it. They wanna be a skateboarder who can't feel love? perfect. +2 to cool & -2 to social acceptance. 

            
            Rolling
            
This can be whatever you want but as a general rule I use d20's as a graded scale. Sometimes, I craft the roll to mimic the action i.e. if they are walking a tight rope then might need to roll a 10 because 20 & 1 make them fall to one side or the other. Rolling in D&D got boring so make it fun again. 

            
            Dungeon Master
            
Your goal is to say 'Yes and...' but realistically it's 'Yes and roll to see if you can actually do that triple backflip down the cliff to mount the attacking phoenix...' - It's okay to make them fail, just don't tell them no. This guide is to help you be 1 step ahead of the players but it can't know the vibe of the room, have some empathy and play to the crowd. 

            
            Ending
            
No one can tell you this. The guide is to help you get 1/3 of the adventure set up and the rest will be created by the adventuring party. Have fun with it and try to tie up some loose ends at the end (or don't and bring them back for another adventure).